now or never - charlie gillespie

chapter thirty three

After my dad left I ran out on the balcony to clear my head, thinking the fresh air would help.

"You okay?" I heard someone say slightly behind me. I turned around and saw Owen standing by the door. He was hesitating. I gave him a weak smile, nodded my head.

"Keep me company," I said to him. He was quick to close the door and run to my side. I tried not to show him that I had realized that he tripped.

"Are you sad?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I didn't let my hopes get high, honestly. I was expecting it. I only wish you guys haven't already done so much for me. It probably seems like such a waste of time to you guys, huh?"

"Are you being serious? Kenny is inside making a few calls. He hasn't given up yet and neither should you," Owen said placing his hand on my shoulder.

"You're not letting up are you?

"Maybe we should just give up. I can't really think of anything else to do. I'm sorry," I said to him, the pain in my voice evident.

"There is one more thing," he said, bending his knees so he was looking right at me.

"What?"

"You can just come with us! You know you can do it. You don't have to wait for your dads permission."

"I-I don't think I have the guts to do that," I stuttered. It was true. I had never taken a stand against my father. I knew I wanted to one day, but was this that day? I doubted it. I felt bad just thinking about how hurt he would be if I just got up and left, defying him.

Owen saw how I was beginning to get stressed. "Hey, calm down. We can talk about something else alright?" he said and I nodded my head. "Like how you'll come to the beach with us tomorrow?"

I shook my head. "I can't I have to-"

"Work. Yeah, yeah I know. As much as I hate to admit it, you know if you don't come on this tour with us, I won't be able to see you for a really really long time, right?"

I hadn't even thought about that.

"Listen, Owen, I think we should talk about that night in the bathroom," I said, turning away from him and staring out in front of me.

"Yeah I think we should," he said turning around and leaning his back against the rail. He turned his head and looked at me from the side.

"I just really think that if, for some strange reason I end up coming on tour with you guys, it would be better for everyone if we just stayed friends you know?"

I heard him take a deep breath and look away.

"Is this because of Charlie?" He asked.

"What? No." I shook my head. "Me and Charlie are also just friends," I said emphasizing the 'just' but he wasn't buying it.

He laughed and stood up straight. "I thought it was about Charlie."

"What? I literally just told you-"

"No. This morning you asked me who I thought your song was about. I'll be honest with you, the first time I read it, every single line, I was hoping it was about me. But I just knew deep down it was about Charlie."

"Owen..." I said reaching for his hand but he pulled it back.

"No it's fine. I get it," He said, starting to walk away.

"You're wrong you know," I whispered. He stopped walking away. "Yes the song is about Charlie, but it was also about you. Don't you get it? This is why if I go on tour with you we have to keep it strictly friendly," I moved to stand in front of him. He wouldn't look at me so I just grabbed his face. "I can't lose either of you. This is the only way," I said, on the verge of tears.