now or never - charlie gillespie

chapter fifty three

For the next week I sat aside while Charlie deliberately tried to shut me out.

He needs space, Lake, I tried to remind myself.

How much longer would he keep this up?

This time apart was torture.

Every time he walked in the room I would hold my breath hoping that today would be the day he'd walk up to me and talk to me.

But no, I didn't even get a smile.

I'll admit it was nice having Carolynn and Madison there along with Owen and Jeremy, but it just wasn't the same.

It was like the one person I wanted to speak to was the one person who didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I wondered if I'd ever have him in my life again.

It was especially hard having to share a tour bus with him.

We were confined to such small places for long hours on the road. I hoped we would've talked things through by now. It was even harder sleeping at night. I could hear him strumming his guitar all night long, tossing and turning, trying to coax himself to sleep.

I wondered if he couldn't sleep because his mind was racing, thinking about what I was thinking.

Even when we weren't on the tour bus, he tried his best to avoid me.

During writing sessions, he'd always come up with an excuse not to be there.

After they sang to me on stage I decided that I wouldn't try to approach him on his own. I thought it would be better to let him calm down on his own. I knew it's what he wanted, even if it's not what I wanted.

With every day with him not speaking to me, I noticed how he was drifting farther and farther away.

I wouldn't catch him staring at Owen and I as often. Actually... these days he barely even looks our way anymore.

I noticed that he was opening up to Owen again. He would offer him some food, show him some memes on his phone, say good morning. It wasn't much, but I knew it made Owen happy. Charlie was trying. Which gave me hope.

It was just hard visiting a new city every couple of days knowing that this was something we wanted to do together.

I was currently watching the boys warm up at sound check. Jeremy was talking to Carolyn, Madison was getting advice from Kenny, Owen was listening to music and drumming along on his air drums, and Charlie was tuning his guitar.

Suddenly my phone rang and snapped me out of my thoughts.

I took my phone out of my pocket. It was my mom.

"Mom?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Lake," she whispered. "Oh I miss you so much!"

"I miss you so much more," I replied, choking on my own tears.

"Oh please won't you tell me all of the wonderful things you've been up to?" She said and I could almost hear her smile.