Labels [lashton/malum]

Chapter 18: love

Edited May 2021

"You love me huh?" Luke wrapped his arms around Ashton's waist as she was wrapping up the leftovers from dinner. Calum was passed out on the couch, snoring away.

"I love being with you," Ashton said, turning around in Luke's arm and smiling up at the boy. "I love that you care so much about what's happening in my stupid head. Yeah, I do love you."

"You have a pretty head," Luke said, kissing Ashton's temple. Ashton threaded her fingers into Luke's hair, pulling him down so she could kiss him.

"Can I ask you something?" Luke asked once they pulled away.

"Sure," Ashton jumped up onto the counter and wrapped her arms around Luke's shoulders, pulling him between her legs.

"You don't have to answer if it's too personal but I was just curious." Luke dragged his hands from her knees to the seam of her skirt, never going higher. "You use 'she/her' pronouns a lot more than 'he/him', and I only know a tiny bit about gender fluidity, so I just thought I'd ask about it," he shrugged. Ashton took a breath, carding her fingers through the back of Luke's hair.

"I don't really know. I've never really known how to explain it all," she said. "I think I judge it all based on comfort. I realized when I was maybe ten that my stomach would drop sometimes when people called me a boy or referred to me with those pronouns. And I would always get this little flutter when I heard some of those same people talking about girls and at some point it just clicked. I wanted to be like those girls. I wanted to wear skirts and tank tops and makeup and be called pretty. My mom refused to let me express myself that way. She hated it. Sometimes I would go back to using masculine pronouns and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable with it. I liked the loose pants and the plain tee shirts and the dirty sneakers. I was so, so confused why I was so comfortable with being a boy sometimes and not other times. I thought I was just rejecting the thought that maybe I was trans. Then I found gender fluidity, and it fit. I liked the skirts, I liked the jeans, I liked the makeup, I liked my body the way it was. So I mean, I can't really answer your question. I guess I'm just more comfortable in this role than that one. I'm just lucky that I like my body the way it is. I'm sure that'll change over time but for now, I'm happy with who I am," Ashton smiled as she concluded.

"I'm extremely lucky to be in the presence of everything you are. You are so amazing Ashton, you have no idea." Luke pressed his hands into her hips and kissed her. "And I love you too by the way," he whispered. Ashton smiled into the kiss, wrapping her arms and legs around him to pull him closer.

-

Calum shook his hands to get some of his anxiety out as he entered the trailer park. The grass was dry and brittle under his shoes all the way up to the trailer door. It was slightly bigger than the ones around it, a dingy white color with a few healthy plants out front. Calum walked up to the front door and knocked softly, anxiety still thrumming through him, making his palms sweat.

After a minute of silence, Calum knocked a little bit harder. This time, the door opened slowly. Calum couldn't see anything besides an eye, but he knew that eye. That eye was emerald green with tiny specks of brown that you would only find if you were looking. The door swung open silently and Michael was standing before him in an oversized sweatshirt and pair of black socks.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He whispered. "How the hell did you find my house?"

"A little bit of admitted stalking one day. I just, I really needed to talk to you. I had a bit of revelation with Ashton last night and I needed to see you," Calum said, burying his hands in his pockets.

"Calum, I don't want to do this," Michael shook his head, shuffling a bit on his socked feet.

"Please," he said, stepping closer. "Please, Michael, I promise I left the douchebaggery at home," this got a small smile from the boy.

"Jesus, fine!" Michael gripped Calum's wrist and pulled him inside quickly. No one else was inside from what Calum could see as Michael dragged him quickly to a small bedroom with a twin sized bed pushed against the far wall. Michael closed the door and locked it before turning to Calum with his arms crossed over his chest.

What is it?"

"I love you."

"Excuse me?" Michael's eyes widened, his hands falling to his side.

"Yeah. I um, Ashton said it a lot better than I'm about to but, I love being around you," he said, rubbing his hands against his pants, trying to hide the fact that they were trembling. "Nothing feels as terrible as it usually does when I'm near you and when you walked away from me that day I felt like my chest was caving in. I, I'm so sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have said it. Any of it. I shouldn't have ran away that night, I should have stayed there and kissed you more because kissing you felt like breathing for the first time." Michael stood there stunned for a second, falling back against the door as he stared at Calum.

"I don't think Ashton could have said it any better," he whispered softly. "Cal, what exactly do you want from me?"

"Everything," Calum breathed, "I want everything. Which isn't something I've wanted from anyone ever. I've never felt this much of a pull towards one person before and I don't ever want to stop feeling it. I've never had... I've never had a boyfriend before and the thought has always scared me but–" Calum took a cautious step forward and hesitantly brought his hands up to cup Michael's cheeks. He sighed softly as he pressed the boy gently against the door with his body. "– nothing about this scares me."

Michael fell into him with a soft sigh, kissing him chastely. Calum's hands found Michael's waist, holding him close as their kiss deepened. Michael wrapped his arms around Calum's shoulders, pressing himself closer. Calum fell onto Michael's twin-size bed with the boy below him, his hands on either side of his head.

"I um, I love what's going on here–" Michael panted, his pale cheeks flushed and his pink lips kiss bitten. "–but can we slow down a bit?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Calum laid on his side beside the boy, pulling him into his side. Michael brought his thigh up onto Calum's hip, laying his head on the boy's shoulder. Calum's arm wrapped around the back of Michael's head, his hand drawing gentle circles on the boy's shoulder.

"Do you want to watch a movie? I don't have a tv but I get Netflix on the really shitty laptop I have. As you can see, we don't have a ton of money," Michael looked at the door so he wouldn't meet Calum's eyes.

"Hey," Calum ran his thumb against the boy's cheek. "I would love to Netflix on your shitty laptop. And I don't want you to think that I think less of you because you don't have money. I don't care about that. I think you're amazing, the rest doesn't matter."