Citadel

I Earned Nothing

Knowing that I will be used like matches and lighter fluid burning everything that holds a glimmering chance of happiness.

Watching as your jaw spit out my name in slurs and curses...

Only spreads this pain even larger.

Receiving marks of metal rings against my body branding me to be your own.

What does this mean when I earned nothing in returned?

Feeling broken without those essentiel keys to move this heart into a fiery passionate one.

Naming me your Anastasia without the "An" to complete it.

It is like that word is muted from your dialect.

I earned nothing.

You earned someone that is too submissive and succumbed to your exalted peppery breath against my neck.

Whispering your manipulative words into my ears.

Slowly taking my breath and my movements in my body away.

 Hearing those three words makes me quiver in both fear and ambition. 

"I earned you." 

Rolls off your tongue like it seems effortless while i am still trying to say the first word of that very sentence in returned. 

I know you want this to become us.

I feel that "us" is not ready for us , but what you can get from out of "us!"

Fiddling with my lips with your soft yet rough venous fingers only make this worse than it needs to be.

Telling me to "shh" and "I know you want this." only forcing myself to reject my lustful thoughts.

My heart craving to melt and give up my barely followed religion to make you my own.

Seeing you worshiping  my personality, my body, and my mind creates trembles of pleasure throughout my corrupted soul.

Calling you Christian would only make this unholy.

I opened my eyes to see you smiling and stating, "you are the only thing that makes me feel this way."

Steadily reminding myself that i would earn nothing from this at all.

If only I blocked you out, I would be free from your opening arms.

I can't do that if you begging for forgiveness and requesting may you keep me forever to be your Anastasia.

I can't forget that you were wrapping your caressing hands on Jose that scandalous day at work.

Making me choose between the both of you.

knowing that our love would be tragic.

I decide to push that behind me and move on.

Making my body ache from the pulsating bodies in front of me.   

Enduring every savory taste of your personality.

Hearing your voice screaming at Jose that if you see Jose close to me, he would not know how a broken heart would feel like.

Still wondering if I earned something from this...

You slamming me into that very wall as your hands analyze my undiscovered foreign land that you were so tempted to touch.

I want this even though I will earned nothing.

Deep regret goes through my mind when you wrap my legs around your waist kissing my neck.

Soft moans escapes my lips as the quaking room started to rise.

Maybe I will earned something one day.

An endeavor that will move my heart away from Jose or repel me from you.

But for now the room is moving upward as well my body.

My emotions are fluctuating throughout the suffocating air.

Memories of my long term goal vanishing into blurry after thought.

I did earned nothing.

Someone that I would be more suited with.