I want to be yours // viseul

~2~

Weekends were the worst. Vivi couldn't pretend like she had someone who cared about her. She felt nothing, she just had to be strong and bare it. This was all going to be worth it one day, wasn't it?

Vivi didn't need her mother paying for a big electricity bill, so she kept all the lights off in her place. The room was illuminated by the light of her laptop, making the corners of the room seem menacing and dark. Vivi would feel afraid if she was able to feel anything but despair. Who knew how much time had passed? It was raining that day, they sky was gray and the soft patter on the rooftop was the only sound she could hear.

Vivi was laying on her bed, trying to finish a geometry assignment that she still had weeks to work on. She'd surely get an A, her work was always the best. That's what she had to remind herself, that she did the best, so it didn't matter how many nights she spent alone.

Vivi sighed quietly, closing her tabs and leaning back into the mattress. She wanted to cry, but she knew she was way past that. She was probably to dehydrated to cry anyway.

"I should shower," Vivi muttered to herself, hands going to her bleached hair. "I'll need a new dye job too,"

Vivi didn't know why she kept dying her hair, but she was in the routine and she knew it looked good even if there was no one to appreciate it.

Vivi's feet padded against the hardwood floor as she made her way across the apartment to the shower, sighing when she felt the light above her. The bathroom had a skylight, making it one of the only placing with good natural lighting. Maybe it was weird, but the shower was Vivi's place in the house. It felt calming and simple, but not boring.

She turned on the shower head, sighing a bit when the hot water hit her hand. Vivi undressed slowly, peeling off clothes she had been wearing since Friday afternoon. The rain was lulling her into a trance, and Vivi's heart nearly stopped when her phone rung in her pocket.

"Oh, Hi Mom," Vivi said with a smile, voice hoarse from lack of use.

"Am I interrupting something?" Her Mom asked from the other line.

"I was about to get in the shower," Vivi explained. "I can talk though,"

"Oh no, let's not make the water bill go up," Her Mom laughed in a way that meant it wasn't a joke. "I just wanted to check up on you? Are you eating well?"

Vivi couldn't remember the last time she ate a real meal.

"Yes Mom, I'm fine," Vivi lied.

"How are your grades?"

"Same as usual,"

"A's?"

"Of course," Vivi promised.

"Make sure to keep them that way," Her Mom said lightly. "I'll let you go now, make sure to call soon!"

Her mother hung up before Vivi could reply, and Vivi reluctantly put the phone on the counter next to her. Calling her mother had stopped making her feel better lately, if anything she felt like more of a nuisance, spending to much on lighting and water, not sending enough money back home. She knew her mother didn't mean to make her feel like a disappointment, but it happened.

"Bye mom," Vivi muttered, stepping into the shower and letting the hot water hit her back. "My grades might be well, but I'm not,"

☕︎︎

"Cold huh?" The bus driver smiled at her as Vivi got onto the bus Monday morning, clutching her scarf around her neck.

Vivi blinked at him, surprised to even hear him talk. She knew who he was, he had been driving her to school since September, and he surely remembered her considering she was one of the only girls on campus with dyed hair.

"Yeah.." She whispered, mustering smile back. Eager to escape social interaction, she practically ran to the back of the bus, hiding herself in the furthermost seat and breathing a sigh of relief.

It was slightly warmer in the back, and Vivi eventually leaned back into the seat and put her headphones in her ears. The bus pulled away from her stop and Vivi relaxed into the seat, shuffling her playlist and closing her eyes to let herself rest before the schoolday. She never did homework on the bus, she had plenty of time later. She could hear her classmates complaining around her about the work, and almost felt bad, maybe she should give them her work.

No. It wasn't her fault they were always busy. She both pitied and envied them, ultimately deciding that detaching herself further was the best decision.

Vivi's body had memorized every turn on their bus route, and her eyes instinctively opened when she remembered who's stop was coming up next.

Short haired girl. Vivi pressed her hand to the glass, wiping away the fog that had clouded the window from her breath. Her eyes immediately caught sight of the girl, who seemed to be stamping her feet on the frosty pavement, trying to keep warm. Vivi smiled to herself, admiring the sullen pout on the girl's lips. She was short, like Vivi, and the other students had at least a few inches on her, making her look extra cute. Vivi subconsciously bit her lip, feeling a tinge of homesickness. The short haired girl probably gave really good hugs, and Vivi could really use a hug right about then.

The girl climbed the steps onto the freezing bus, and Vivi watched with bated breath as she made her way towards the back. Oh god, Vivi desperately wished the girl would sit next to her.

"Haseul!" Called a brown haired girl sitting a few rows in front of Vivi. At first it it didn't even register in Vivi's brain that the short haired girl was the one being called, but hearing her name left a warm feeling in Vivi's chest.

Haseul. Haseul.

"Oh hey Jungeun," Haseul smiled brightly. "Where's Jinsoul?"

"Oh, you didn't hear? Her parents got her this sick convertible, I bet you can ask her to start driving you now,"

Haseul shrugged. "I like taking the bus,"

"But you haven't seen the car! It's so cool!"

"Then ask her if you can go," Haseul rolled her eyes. "Sounds like a bother to me, I'd rather walk to the bus stop to get exercise,"

Jungeun rolled her eyes. "I don't understand you, Seul,"

Haseul smiled. "Move over, you. I wanna sit,"

Vivi's nails dug into her palms as she willed herself not to cry. She was overjoyed Haseul, that seemed to be her name, was sitting so close to her. But that the same time, she felt even worse at the same time. It was stupid, she should just go up and ask if they could be friends. That should be easy, but Vivi couldn't do it. She listened to their conversation in dreary silence, praying Haseul would turn around and notice her, introduce herself maybe, offer to let them get to know each other.

Haseul never did. She stayed facing the front the whole time, giggling with Jungeun about something Vivi hadn't caught. Vivi blinked away her tears. Everything was okay, at least she got to see Haseul even if it was just on the bus. She could pretend they were friends and Haseul just hadn't noticed she was sitting behind them. It felt better than admitting how truly alone she was.
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yes I am being very melodramatic I do not care
I swear these will get better I'm just setting up the plot