No Promises

chapter fifteen

DESPITE BEING IN my head for the first half of our date, I eventually find myself being able to focus on Jonas without letting my mind drift. He's nice and it easy to get lost in conversation with him once he starts talking about his music. It almost like I forgot Greyson all together.

Almost.

The moment we're outside the apartment building, my thoughts are back on him, wondering what he's doing. It's like nothing changed. And maybe I'm being critical. Maybe I need more time to get over this ridiculous idea that we might one day become something. Maybe I just need to really lose myself in someone else.

Or maybe I'm looking to fix something that never broke. That would be the easy answer. It would mean I would get to stop torturing myself, but maybe, in reality, I just need to stop thinking all together.

"I'm glad we did this."

"Yeah," I say when Jonas steps in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. "Me too."

"Are you free on Friday? I was thinking we could do dinner," he suggests, and I don't know what to say. I enjoyed spending time with him, but a second date hadn't even crossed my mind until he asked. Do I want to see him again? Is it worth his time when all I can think about is my roommate upstairs?

The answer seems easy.

Yes, I want to see him again. Anything to distract me, and that's exactly why the answer is no to my second question. I should want him to be more than a distraction. It's not fair to him to keep seeing him when I'm having mixed emotions, but even then, it doesn't stop me.

"Yeah, I'd like that." I nod, and it's not a lie. It's just not the whole truth.

I should just be honest about my situation, but they're friends and worse, they're partners. The last thing I want is to get in between that.

"Yeah?" He smiles and tucks his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he nods. "Okay, great! Friday it is."

"Friday," I say and nervously bite my bottom lip, unsure of what else to say. He seems just as nervous about the next move as I do. Neither of us sure what to do. "Okay, well... I'm just going to get this out of the way."

"Get wha—" he starts to ask when I step towards him, resting my hand on cheek. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking, but a small crosses his lips and it eases any worries I had about taking the first step.

Jonas is nice.

I like Jonas.

And the moment my lips touch his, I'm glad I decided to kiss him. If he has one thing going for him, it's definitely that he's a good kisser. He's gentle, not overly eager as he moves his hand up to my cheek. Everything about it would be perfect if my thoughts didn't immediately go to what it would be like if it was Greyson in his place. The moment the thought hits me, I wish it hadn't.

Why couldn't this just be simple? Why couldn't it just be a girl kissing a boy after a nice date? Why do I immediately have to ruin it by letting Greyson cloud my thoughts? Why can't I just stop thinking about him?

Why does this have to be so complicated?

"You're something else, Robyn," Jonas hums gently as he brushes some of my hair out of my face. He's so sincere that it almost hurts, because I want to be one hundred percent into him and I'm not. My heads elsewhere and it shouldn't be. "I'll see you Friday."

"Yeah," I say and reach into my pockets for my keys, unlocking the front entrance. He waits until I have the door open to head for the parking lot after saying bye one more time. It feels like my stomach is in knots, but not the good kind. The kind that makes me sick to my stomach with nerves while overthinking everything.