No Promises

chapter thirty-seven

A PART OF me knows that waiting around, hoping that Greyson will call is going to make me miserable, and yet, I spend the majority of my week doing exactly that. I've spent more time in this last week staring at my phone, hoping a notification would pop up then I have in the last four months. He's driving me crazy, and he's not even here. I'm doing this to myself, but thankfully, I have Stevie and Isla to distract me from my aching heart and celebrate the start of a new year.

"How is it that we're only a few days away from having to go back to school?" Isla pouts as she settles onto the couch next to me in her fluffy pink lounge set, setting the big bowl of buttery popcorn in my lap. "Break was way too short."

"I second that," Stevie says as she steps out of my kitchen looking like a ray of sunshine in the matching yellow set I got her for Christmas. Her blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail with a scrunchie as she holds the three glasses sandwiched between her fingers out to us, offering each one of us a drink. "Where are your mom and Isaiah, Robby?"

"Mom's on a date, and Isaiah's spending the night with his friends," I say as she sinks in next to me. "Are you sure you want to be spending tonight with me instead of with Felix?"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," she says with a smile, leaning into my shoulder. "There is nothing better than hanging out with my two favourite people."

"I believe we're fifth and sixth on that totem pole," I nudge her back.

"Oh, hush," she says as she takes a handful of popcorn and stuffs it in her mouth at the sound of the doorbell. "I'll get it."

"Please tell me that's the pizza," Isla begs as Stevie heads for the foyer, just off the living room where we're fully intending to spend the night, binging a movie marathon. The best way to ring in the New Year with my best friends, in comfy clothes with junk food and cheesy rom-coms. There is no other way I'd want to spend it, except the thought of being with Greyson floods my thoughts and downs my mood.

"You need to stop thinking about him."

I turn my head, my cheeks flushing. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do." Isla takes the bowl from my lap, leaning forward to set it on the coffee table with her drink. "You're making your Greyson face."

"I don't have a Greyson face."

"Yes, you do!" Stevie calls from the foyer as she opens the door, but greeting the pizza guy with a smile as she extends out two twenty dollar bills for the pizza. "Thank you! Have a good new year," she tells him before shutting the door and walking back towards us in the living room. "You absolutely have a Greyson face," she says, jumping right back in as she sets the pizza on the coffee table.

"You're both insane," I say, shaking my head.

"We're not the one that's been moping around for the last two weeks," Isla says. "Robyn, it's okay to miss him you know."

"I just..." I trail off. "I guess I was expecting him to want me as much as I want him."

"He does," Stevie says. "Trust me. My brother is just an idiot."

"What if we don't fix this?" I ask. "What if I only get that small taste of what a relationship could be like with him and then... this."

"Would you change it if you could?" Isla asks. "Go back and take it back?"

The weight of her question is heavier than I want it to be. It's been weeks and I've been asking myself that very question every second of each day. I thought my answer would immediately be no. I don't regret Greyson, and the truth is, I don't, but there is a part of me that was crushed by him, too. The me before, the one that dated Chase, would have buried it, but I can't do that with Greyson. He showed me what could be really good, and that's not something I'm willing to go back on.