No Promises

chapter sixteen

THE DAYS START to bleed together as I drown in my schoolwork and trying to maintain a social life. In an ideal world, I'd have all the time in the world. Enough time to get my projects done and to do everything else I want. School is important. It's been embedded in my brain since I was five years old that school was always top priority, and to an extent, I agree. I want to do well, and maybe it's just a piece of paper, but it's a goal.

Something to work towards while I grow up a little more.

I'm only eighteen. I don't want the weight of the world on my shoulders yet. I'm not ready to have everything figured out, and even then, who really has anything figured out? Most of us are just riding the wave, trying to figure out what's next.

No one really knows, and I want to be okay with that, but it's making it worse. I want to have everything figured out. I want to have school figured out. I want to have my Jonas situation figured out. It's been a few weeks since our first date, and things have been good, easy even. We've been spending most of our free time together, and it's been nice to be out of the apartment, less opportunity to be alone with Greyson.

He's been weird since that day, and neither of us has talked about it. I can't even remember the last time the two of us were alone with each other. It's like we're both avoiding it. When we are home, Emmy or Jonas are there to smooth the tension we put in place. When we're in a group, everything feels normal, but then my mind goes back to the way he looked when I told I was planning to go on a date with Jonas.

For a second, I swore I saw a flicker of sadness or maybe irritation. He seemed bothered by it, and I don't know why. He has no reason to be, but Jonas is also his partner. The direct line to Greyson's music career as a songwriter and producer taking off. Everything he's worked for is riding on him, and I pose as a distraction from the goal.

Groaning to myself, I lean back in my seat after parking and reach for my phone from the cup holder. School has been keeping me busy and has put Stevie and Isla in the same vote. We don't have the time we used to, and it's making the distance even harder to handle. I miss them so much my heart ache. And the deeper we get into the first semester, the more I realize we aren't high school students anymore.

We're adults.

Or at least pretending we are.

I open our group chat and read through Stevie and Isla's text. We've been trying for the last week to coordinate a time we can all video chat and when two of us are free, one of us is busy and it's making it difficult. Between my dates with Jonas and school work, it's been hard to prioritize them and I hate it. They're my best friends, and they're worth making time for.

Stevie
i can be free this afternoon if we can make that work?

Isla
Yes! I have an hour free after class.
Robby?

My thumbs dangle over my screen as I think about my answer, chewing my bottom lip when my screen is overrun by my mom calling. She's called at least once a week, sometimes more, and I've been trying to remind myself that she's my mom and she worries. Letting the sigh fall from my lips, I accept the call and bring my phone up to my ear.

"Hi mom."

"Hi sweetheart," she says.. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay." I reach for the handle of my door, climbing out as I pinch my phone between my shoulder and cheek. "Just about to walk to class."

"Is the walk far from your dorm?" she questions, and the guilt of lying to her about my living situation starts eating at me again. I should have just been honest with her about living with Greyson from the start, but then I fear what she'll say when I do.