No Promises

chapter thirty-four

THERE IS SOMETHING about sharing my relationship with Greyson with my family that terrifies me. I thought telling Stevie was going to be hard, but somehow, telling my mom is going to be harder. Not because I don't think she'll be happy for me, but because she will definitely not be okay with the living situation we are in. Not that I entirely blame her for that, but I know hiding it isn't going to help the situation either.

My lungs are on fire as I try to calm my breathing, fixing the buckle on my belt as I smooth my hands over my checkered pants. I adjust the high waist and exhale as I pull on the hem of my shirt, glancing in the mirror at my appearance as I shift on my foot to eye my reflection. The gold chains around my neck compliments the warm brown tones of my clothes and I slowly squeeze my eyes shut tight.

For the last week, I've been going back and forth over the pros and cons of telling my mom about Greyson. He said it was my choice, and I want to make the right one. I want to tell her the whole truth, but I don't know what good it will do. Telling her will likely mean moving out and I like our situation. I like living off campus. I like having a space outside of school to go.

I like having Greyson as a roommate, and friend, and boyfriend.

I like being around him.

The sound of my phone buzzing against my comforter gains my attention as I turn to grab it, my lips curl up at the sight of Greyson's smiling face. It relieves some stress in my chest as I answer his call, bringing it up to my ear.

"Hey! Are you almost home?" I ask. "We should leave soon if we're going to make it to dinner with my mom and Isaiah on time."

"That's what I'm calling about," he says. "They moved our deadline up, and I've got to get this track finished up so head on without me and I'll meet you at the restaurant."

"Oh, okay," I say. "Are you still going to be able to make it?"

"Yes, absolutely," he reassures me. "It's important to you, Robyn. I'll be there."

I swallow as I settle on the end of my bed, pulling my foot up onto the base of the bed frame. "Okay... are you still okay with telling her about us?"

"Yeah, if you're ready to tell her."

"Okay," I say, biting down on my bottom lip. "She may be against me staying here."

"Then we figure it out."

The confidence in his voice eases the racing in my chest, letting me catch my breath. He's right. The two of us can figure this out, no matter the outcome because it's what we do best. We found our timing and we've made it work this far. There's nothing standing in the way of us now. Not when we have each other to count on.

"Yeah, we will," I say, smiling to myself as I get up. "I'll see you in a little bit, okay?"

"Seven o'clock."

"Yeah."

"Bye Rob."

"Bye," I say as I end the call and set my phone face down on the dresser, taking one last glance at myself in the mirror.

I have it in me to be honest with the people in my life. The distance that I've dealt with has stemmed from my family, but I've grown to overcome that controlling my life. Maybe it is hard to let people in, fearing the worst of what will happen when they let you down, but avoiding the hurt has never helped anyone either. I can be someone's and still be my own person.

There doesn't have to be a thin line between the two.

I don't have to hold out on being with someone because it somehow weakens who I am as a person. I found strength in my mom, overcoming a divorce and standing on her own two feet to be a better mom and a successful career woman. I found faith in Stevie, faith in the good of people. I found courage to shine in my happiness in Isla, who never lets anything keep the smile off her face. And in Greyson I found the bravery to be vulnerable, to be open.