No Promises

chapter twenty-one

I DON'T KNOW what I was expecting him to say after I abruptly shared my break-up with Jonas. It's like we're both paralyzed in our words, neither of us knowing what to say. It wasn't like I had expected him to suddenly realize his feelings for me, and for it to change everything. It was never going to change anything, but I hadn't expected it to hang so heavily over us.

It's like I'm holding onto a loaded gun, just waiting for it to go off.

Suddenly, everything is painfully unsteady.

The air hard to breathe on the way home, silence filling the space between us. I want to be able to say the right thing, to know exactly what to say without making a mess of things. Greyson is nothing short of confusing, and I fear the wrong thing might set him ten steps backward, and it feels like we're finally heading in a good direction.

We're talking again. Kind of.

It's not perfect, but it's better and I will take that over what we had before.

"Can I ask something?" Greyson asks once we get into the apartment, and he sets his guitar case down. There's a sentiment in his voice I don't quiet recognize, and it makes my chest tighten, unsure of what it means. I don't want to ask, and I don't want to know what his question is, but I can't exactly avoid it either.

"Sure," I say, squeezing my apartment keys in my fist as I turn the latch on the door.

"You didn't break up with Jonas for me, did you?" he asks, and my eyes widen slightly before he corrects himself. "I mean, because of me."

"Do you think I did?"

He bites down on his lip as he sits on the armrest of the couch, crossing his legs at the ankle. "I made kind of an ass of myself last night, and I said... but—"

"You were part of the reason, yes." I cut him off, deciding to stick to honesty. "But you weren't the whole reason. Jonas is nice, and I like him, but we don't have a whole lot in common and it wasn't really going anywhere."

"Okay." He nods, exhaling slowly. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night."

"Don't be." My lips curl up as I move toward the stairs. "Like I said, you weren't the only reason. I think, I went into it hoping to find something I knew wasn't there. It was nice to be with someone after Chase, but Jonas didn't give me butterflies."

"And butterflies are important?"

"Vital," I say, and reach for my door, ready to hide away for the rest of the night because for the last few weeks, that's been my routine. Hiding in my room to avoid facing Greyson, and my feelings that have gone a lot further then surface deep.

"Where are you going?" he asks as he moves onto the couch cushion, leaning over to grab one of his other acoustic guitars from its stand. It only takes me a second to realize he's asking because he expected me to stay. I've gotten so used to the hiding that it feels like second nature, but the thought of getting to spend time with him excites me. Maybe a little more than it should.

"I'm just going to change," I say, changing my mind about the room. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," he says and a small smile flickers on his lips as I close the door to my room behind me with a bigger thud than intended. My heart is pacing for no good reason as I stop in front of the mirror over my dresser, I try to fix my hair, hoping to tame the unruly curls that don't want to stay in their spot before giving up.

I consider changing my mind and staying hidden for the rest of the night, but quickly shake the nerves out of my limbs and change into a matching grey lounge set that I've slept in more than once. I fix the thin straps on my shoulder, and brush the soft grey fabric flat over my torso before fixing the waist of the shorts and grab my knitted white cardigan, pulling it on over top. It hangs passed the length of my shorts, and I let go of the air I've been holding in as I step back into the living room, fixing the gold chain around my neck.