No Promises

chapter thirty-six

THE AIR FEELS thick as I swallow, trying to maintain focused on the road instead of the heavy weight on my chest. This would all be so much easier if Greyson was easier to understand, or if this didn't hurt as much as it does. I don't want our relationship to end here, but I put the ball in Greyson's court for a reason. The next steps are his to take.

I don't want to be the thing standing in his way.

And there's clearly something going on that he's not dealing with. I want everything to work out, but there's just some things I can't look passed. Being Greyson's secret, and only existing in the apartment, is one of them. I can't just ignore the unsettling feeling in my chest of being hidden because of the fear left from his relationship with Mia.

She left her mark on him.

As much as it pains me to accept, he might need more time to work on himself and his music. It felt like we were ready for this, that our timing was perfect and we were going to make a clean break, but maybe it wasn't as clean as we thought. I can't fault him for not being as ready for this as I am, he's allowed to need more time, and I'm okay with giving it to him. I need him to pick me, and not to feel pressured into the choice.

I need to know that he wants this as much as I do. It needs to feel right for him, and as much as I wish everything was smooth sailing, it was unrealistic. Everything has its bumps in the road and I was fooling myself if I thought this was any different. It's not. We're not. We need time.

I need time.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I gently wipe under my eyes and try to hold the tears I've been avoiding back. My head is swimming in a cycle of thoughts, and all I want is for it to turn off. All I want to do is turn around and forget everything I said, but time apart is exactly what we both need. Even if I don't want to face it.

When my house comes into view, I'm met with a sigh of relief at the bare driveway. It means my mom's at work and Isaiah's out, and I don't have to face them right away. Showing up days before I said I would means explaining why, and I'm not sure I'm ready to share my damaged heart with them. It'll only prove to my mom that she had been right and remaining to live with Greyson was a bad idea, and part of me knows it's the truth.

Maybe none of this would have happened if I just took the room when it was offered to me like I was supposed to.

The pressure wouldn't have been so high, and when I told Greyson we were better off friends, we probably would have stayed that way. Our first night together would have never happened, but I'd be lying if I said that's what I wanted. I don't regret a single thing that's happened, even if this ends. It's all been worth it.

I blow out a slow breath at the twist in my stomach as I pull into park and climb out, curling my keys into my fist as I close the door with a gentle thud. There's a pounding in my head that I can't shake as I wander around to the truck, unlocking it as the crackle of tires against scattered pebble gets my attention and the relief I once felt is met with anxiety at the sight of my mom's car as it pulls up along the street. Confusion washes over her features as she turns into the driveway, stopping in front of the garage door before parking.

Everything is telling me to run and hide from having to share the truth with her. If I get back in my car, I can speed down this road and never look back, but it's the cowardly way out of this. I have to tell her the whole truth. From beginning to end, and deal with the consequences of holding onto it instead of telling her when it happened.

"Robyn?"

"Hi," I say, lifting my hand to wave as I pop open the trunk and set the wheels of my suitcase on the pavement. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as she walks down the front yard towards my car, leaning into the edge of the trunk as I lift my duffle bag out and drop the strap onto my shoulder.