Hospital for Souls

Chapter 11

When I wake up, a smile is already on my face. I finally have my first boyfriend! For the first time in my whole entire life, I have a guy who loves me, who cares about me, and who doesn’t want to see me hurt. For once a guy wants me to be happy. I know that Jake has all of these feelings for me, but I just could never feel the same way back for the fact that he’s too much of a brother to me. Even though Jake has these feelings for me and he cares, it still doesn’t feel right with me and him because I know I’m hurting him for the simple fact that I don’t feel the same way. To be honest it hurts me too and makes me feel worse, but at the moment I feel too happy to let it bring me down.

The weekends always fly by so fast. It’s already Monday again and I have to go back to school. I don’t have to set alarm clocks anymore because somehow the Hospital for Souls has been waking me up right on time. I find it to be weird, but I don’t really question it because it saves me from a heart attack of hearing an alarm go off each morning. Now, I can wake up right when I need to and it always saves me the fear.

I feel so much happiness inside of me. Instantly when I sit up in bed, I jump out of my bed and run straight to my closet. I go through my clothes, having trouble in deciding what to wear. Then, I see it. It’s a black strapless dress that goes up to my knees, and it comes with a small black cover-up. Instantly I want to dress girly today. I usually just like to go for basic Goth or emo looks, but today I want to dress like an actual girl.

After picking out the dress that I want to wear, I run straight to the bathroom and turn on my curling iron. I then run back into my room and put on my dress. It doesn’t take me very long to put it on, so right after I get it on I run straight back into the bathroom and grab my makeup. I first put on some grey eye shadow, then black eye liner. After that, I put on mascara, pink lipstick, and then to top everything off I put glitter around my eyes. Once all my makeup is on my face, the curling iron is hot and ready for me to use. I instantly begin grabbing strands of my hair and curling them into perfect curls. After each piece of my hair is curled to perfection, I take some glitter and put it throughout my hair, but not too much. Then right after that, I reach my hand to unplug the curling iron, but then I stop myself. I close my eyes and instantly have memories of when I used to use my curling iron to burn myself. I then open my eyes and look down at my arms. There’s so many marks on them from years of self harm. The most obvious mark on my arm is from when I tried to kill myself and then fell asleep. Now, I stand here with the curling iron in my hand and my arm in the position like it always is before I self harm. I close my eyes, taking deep breaths trying to think about what to do. Then, when I open my eyes I don’t need to think anymore because the curling iron is already on my wrist.

                It takes me a few seconds to realize what I’m doing, but then I pull the curling iron off of my wrist. I instantly unplug it and run back into my room. I run straight to my dresser and begin scavenging through my drawers. After scavenging for about a minute I finally find concealers and creams for my arms. I then hurriedly put them on, trying to cover my scars and burn as much as possible. After I put on what seems to be enough, I then grab some silver bracelets and put them on my wrists. Once I have enough bracelets on, I spray on some lavender perfume and then put on my black strap heels. Once I’m fully dressed the way I want to be, I head downstairs to go and eat breakfast.

                Luckily for me I’m in a really good mood, so I’m actually able to eat something. I pour myself a glass of chocolate milk, and then I go into the cabinet and grab myself a blueberry pop tart package, and begin to eat them. As I eat my pop tarts and drink my chocolate milk, my mom walks into the kitchen with a big smile on her face.

                “My don’t you look fancy today.” She says in a polite voice. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. “Why so fancy?”