RETURN OF THE WIND : Jacob & Renesmee

48. BETWEEN THE DEVIL & THE DEEP BLUE SEA 🌊

TITLE MEANING:
STANDING BETWEEN TWO VERY UNPLEASANT CHOICES

Renesmee

The heavy sound of rain hit against my window loudly. I flinched a bit on its sound. The burning agony within me wanted to escape out of the window and put itself bare on the rain so that the rain drops could caress it, gently and slowly.

"Time drives the flocks from field to fold,
When Rivers rage and rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb,
The rest complains of cares to come."

Dad read the second stanza of the poem, the words that I'd recite by heart with Jacob; one of my favorite poems. I snuggled against Dad's arm, like if I wanted to curl myself around him so that he could keep me safe into his arms. But was there any enemy around me, or was it only myself and my thoughts?

"The nymph says that shephard's heart will turn into a rock some day as it grows cold with time and he will become the ragged river and will move past leaving, his love behind. The love that never will last forever." Dad paraphrased the words.

And was the lines true? Wasn't love supposed to be eternal and forever?

I breathed deflating.

The skin around the digged void around my heart burnt, it felt like someone stuck a thousand pins into me.

And It stings. A lot.

"The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
To wayward winter reckoning yields,
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall."

I spoke softly with Dad together; he stroked my hairs gently; his cold breathes brush my ears.

No. I had always been resentful to the poet with the idea that's so wrong about love, why wouldn't she accept that love never grows cold, it never does fade?

"With time the flowers die, the wanton fields lose their crops and winter comes upon everything that was once prosperous. Every prosperous growth ends in fall, dull and dry. When everything dies; and nothing's left in the world." Dad explained.

My nails digs into my palms to feel something; anything! I felt so numb from inside. Crying and sobbing with the guilt of what I'd but the tears still won't flow, as if they are frozen in their ducts.

Dad's hands curl around my fingers that try to sear into my skin, holding it gently he turns my fist open and cups both of my palms underneath his cold touch. I attempted to pull myself together, wiping away the brutal ashened hope inside me, ashamed of how wounded I was?

"It hurts, isn't it?"Dad ran his fingers among my hairs.

"What does this say about me? Am I really this weak?" I asked him burying my head into his chilled chest.

His sat there in silence. "No. There is nothing weak about it. You just love in shades of strength that makes the love of Romeo and Juliet, look dull in comparison. You love with conviction and there is nothing weak about it."

He rested his chin at my shoulder's brushing my cheek gently. My chest shrunk tighter, like it did crave for love. I shut my eyes tightly wishing I could go back to how I felt before - safe and loved. But I can't!

I have to sit here in a temporary home....with no hope... but sadness and confusion to live with.

Waiting for him to come back.