RETURN OF THE WIND : Jacob & Renesmee

46. TORMENT

Renesmee

"Carlisle will have your blood test results tomorrow." Rosalie squeezed my chilled cold hands slightly, my fingers kept crushing the bedsheets hard.

"Yeah!" I croaked sourly. My whole body felt freezing with the chilling temperature of my skin.

"If you want something just say the word, okay?!"Her lips curled politely at me.

I sighed,"I'll be okay. Good night, Rose." Please leave me by myself. I didn't add, and was thankful it didn't came out my mouth aloud; I didn't wanted to talk about it, nor evn think about anything?

I forced a small smile at her faintly, and shut my eyes tight, snuggling my head against the pillow; as I heard the click of the door shut. I couldn't bear to face her anymore. Just go away. Just leave me alone. I couldn't stand anything anymore.

Because there's a palce inside of me that hurts so much with longing to not be with him (Chris), the hurts feels like running in my blood and bones. . .carving his name onto me, linking me with him magically, totally, that had my entire control.

Then why is he doing this to me; Huh? Yeah! Maybe I wasn't left with any control of what I do now? And that's the reason I stab - almost killed - Jacob.

The stillness of the my mind tensed high into the nothingness of the graveyard, trying to take in what had made me do that?

No way. How could I stake someone's life? Nothing inside me made sense. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. The silence pressed in on me and all I could hear was the beating of my own heart.

- - - - - -

No. I gasped. My eyes open up onto a day in mid-August somewhere among the woods, held together with the heavy canopies of trees. Everything was brighter than it should be; the trees were not just green but radiant hues that burnt themselves against my retinas. 

I walk through the forest with the push of my feets onto the earthy ground, few metres after the path emerged to a lake that stayed without a ripple in the silver-blue water as if time itself had been frozen, here in this world.

From above that watery world was so clear and perfect it could be another dimension, waiting for someone to dare enter it.

There was no rustle of maple leaves around, no sound of wind; neither the movement of branches. What I only heard was my own self drawing a deep breathe, taking in warmth in the air that filled my lungs with ease.

"Renesmee?!"

The sound of his voice made me hold my breathe, it cut through all the directions and made me pause and look at him.

I tore my eyes from the watery surface, "Chris?! " I found him, standing on the other bank of the lake making the other side look like a hall of fame and I thought of nothing more than to be near to him.

The thought became a desire and my insides lit with an intensity to make it possible, to touch him; the longing was the worst thing to be kept held on a pause even after it had overwhelmed me from my head to toe.

"Why won't you come this side?!" His lips twitch slightly and head tilt as if it's a warm invitation at me.

I didn't spared another thought to what had been laying ahead of me?! How am I going to pass through it?! Or maybe I wanted to take a moment to think about it, but the urgency didn't let me do it.