Can She fall in True Love with Her Best Friend? (NDubz)

Chapter 5 Having to override emotions

Driving along the roads I realized that although I was strong and good at being the boss but that's me when I'm out in public or in a situation I'm not comfortable with because I don't want to let people see the soft side of me. If I do then they have a way in, a way to hurt me as and when they chose.

That's where I went wrong with Adam I let him see my soft side before I knew I shouldn't have and when I needed my hard and cold exterior he didn't always believe it.

By now I was half way to Bristol so I turned the car around and started traveling back to Camden I needed friends and needed somewhere to stay and the only place I knew where everything was, was Camden. At the same time it was where Adam was but also where the boys were.

I couldn't go to mums I didn't have a key and she was in hospital again and I didn't know how long for and if I went and asked and she thought I was happy and I didn't want to break that illusion for her even though it was reality

*at the studio*

'oi duks I can't help but worry about T man, that boyfriend of hers is mental and T is always on her BB texting one of us or tweeting and we haven't heard from her AT ALL'

'faze man chill out anyone would think you had a thing for T she'll be fine Adam won't do nothin to her because he knows I'd kill him'

'Dappy, I know you don't think anything but I'm nipping round to T's just to check she is ok and for your information I have been mates with T for years I care about her just as much as you'

When I got to tulisa's their was no car no lights nothing, I knocked on the door but nothing no response.

*in the Audi*

Tears were glazing my eyes as I was driving so I thought it best to pull over and take a minute. My phone started buzzing on the passenger seat and I answered

'T?'

'yeah faze' i said acting all calm

'where are you what's up?'

'To be honest faze I just needed some space, I was going to come to the studio but I knew you and dappy weren't expecting me'

'woah T you know you can come by anytime B set it us for the 3 of us, will you come to mine in about 30 minutes would really like to see you'

'i don't know faze I'm not in a great mood'

'please T I've missed you having your day off and I'm worried about you'

'right ok but can I stay the night too?'

'woah one step at a time T...

Interrupting I snapped 'fine I won't come then'

'no T come I was messing you know you can stay at mine anytime'

'Right well see you soon faze'

Putting the phone down I burst into tears but when I pulled up it wasn't just a random place.  

I was already outside Fazer's apartment. I didnt know what to do so I reversed out of the streetlamp light into almost darkness and closed my eyes.When I had had a little snooze I had a bottle of vody in my bag which I thought was empty but I had to check. It was 2/3 full and I was so I took a swig and had some red bull after it. I cant take straight shots. I felt great like normally when people get drunk they lose the feeling of being in control of what happens and their surroundings.

I was bricking it at the fact fazer hadnt seen my face or body for that matter since Adam had kicked the living daylights out of me and that scared me.Fazer had a awful habit of fazing out of conversations so most of the time he just hears noise coming from peoples mouth, but where Adam is concerned he is always interested. 

The excuses dont wash with faze he sees straight past them and he knows I know this but I still used to come up with them. He will be extatic when he knows that me and Adam are over. I just dont want anything to happen tonight with fazer. It would be an accident.

I just hope that we can both see past our attraction for eachother

For now...