𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐎 - 𝑩𝑶𝑲𝑼𝑨𝑲𝑨

【𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎】

▬ ☘ ▬

❝I loved him.❞

His smile was contagious, and his dry jokes never failed to make me laugh.

These moments that brought me so much joy were like droplets from the ocean of memories that filled my head. He always had a connection with whoever he met.

He was the type of guy to give you his spare cash just so that you could get a ride home on the bus safely. He left an imprint in everyone's heart and was loved and admired by all.
His teammates always came before him. As much as he loved being the centre of attention, he always put his requests on a side to listen to what his teammates had to say.

I had fallen in love with him.

I never saw him in any other way than just my teammate however over a duration of time I have grown to be closer to him.

We, well I feel as though he classes us as best friends, but I know for sure these feelings and thoughts that run through my mind regularly are not those of a 'best friend'.

I want more.

I want more that that.

Perhaps it's selfish of me to want Bokuto all for myself.
I need him.

If only I didnt hesitate and told him how I felt the night before nationals. Maybe things might have been different.

We had a talk.

Having quite a serious conversation doesn't usually occur between me and Bokuto. We usually laugh it off or discuss it with the rest of the team as we were all quite close. That night was different.

"Akaashi, I've been meaning to share something with you".

Bokuto seemed anxious.

Believe it or not I was scared. My gut feeling had predicted the worst. I didn't want to think about it. I waited in silence for Bokuto to tell me the news, but I already knew. It was not something I had heard from someone else nor was it a rumor I overheard, but I had a hunch since he had been trying to bring it up for a couple of days.

We hadn't been meeting up as much as we used to. And I had a feeling why.

I made myself believe that he was busy with his training or his studies, but I knew Bokuto too well to know that wasn't the truth. I kept shrugging it off or changing the subject because I did not want to hear those words leave his mouth.

But in this moment, there was no way for me to leave or bring something else up.
I didn't have the guts to confess.
My hands were shivering.

Whether it was the cold or the shock that had risen within my body I was not sure. I leaned in to rest my hand on his shoulder.
My vision began to blur and fade, my eyes welling with tears. Everything around me was a blur, but I knew Bokuto was stood by my side.

"It's okay Bokuto-San."

I raised my eyes to look him straight in the first. Closing my eyes to hold back the tears from falling I smiled.

My eyes still closed, I felt Bokuto's warm arms bring me in for an embrace.

This was the warmth I craved all along.

I pressed my head against his chest. I felt as though I was being engulfed by a cloud. My head still pressed against Bokuto's shirt, I could hear his heartbeat so loud.

Being embraced by Bokuto like this perhaps for the last and final time brought me peace.

It also brought me a feeling of guilt. If I had told him how I felt, I'd never have to long for Bokuto's embrace again or to hear his soft voice call out my name.

"She's everything I could have wanted Akaashi."

I didn't want to hear it.

Stop.

I thought to myself. I didnt want to hear about her. As much as I prayed for Bokuto's happiness everyday, this wasn't the way I wanted it to go. Perhaps I was living in a fantasy world hoping that one day this man would be by my side until my last breath.

He had found his happiness.

He cupped my face with his large hands.

"Are you not happy Akaashi?"

"I couldn't be happier Bokuto-san,you've found love".

Why.

Why do I keep lying to him. I wasn't happy at all. I should have been but I wasn't.

Because I loved him.

I loved you Bokuto Koutaro.

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I'll be publishing a new chapter very soon :) hope you enjoyed my fanfiction as much as I enjoyed writing it :')