Found (Book 1)

Chapter 19

Jessie's POV

Christina's eyes widen and she looks at me in complete shock. Then I see the sadness form in her eyes.

"You... you had a sister?" she asks. I nod, the tears keep falling.

"How old was she when she..." Christina trails off.

"Five. She was fricken 5 years old and every single day of the two years she was sick, I begged that she wouldn't die, that I could die instead of her if it came down to it," I say, getting angry. Christina listens quietly but at this point I don't even realize she's there.

"She was the one our parents loved, when she was born she was their world. But she was also my world, she attached herself to me and we were like best friends. When my parents yelled at me she'd look at them and they'd apologize to me. Then at 3 she was diagnosed with leukemia. She was so pale and so weak and I don't even know if she was scared or not but I hope not," my anger really builds and I stand up and throw a pillow harshly, "Leukemia can go to fucking hell!!" I scream and suddenly feel arms wrap around me and I drop to the ground.

"Shhh," Christina whispers and hugs me tight. I cling to her as she rubs my back and I can feel myself slowly calming down.

After a while I sit back and look at Christina. I never realized it, but she must've been crying too. Her makeup is all down her cheeks.

"Is it funny that she's the biggest cause of why I'm so miserable yet I love her anyways?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"I was 10 when she died and my parents' worlds collapsed. Mine did too but I knew enough not to show it. For weeks I took care of my parents, I cooked, I cleaned, I encouraged them to take walks and to shower and then I'd cry myself to sleep at night. Once they pulled themselves together they realized "their useless child" was still here and now there was no one to tell them not to hurt me. So they did. They'd both yell at me all the time, they drove away all my friends," I see tears falling down Christina's face. I know what I want to say, what I need to tell someone finally. I'm nervous though. I don't know how she'll take it.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask hesitantly.

"Anything," she says and puts her hand over mine reassuringly.

"As I got a little older, my dad would get physical and I learned how to hit back. I hated doing it but I was terrified if I didn't protect myself, I'd die," I whispered.

"Oh my god," Christina whispers and quickly hugs me again. I try to hold in my tears, I need to be strong. I feel like Christina realizes this though and she looks at me.

"Release all of your emotions. Please. You've kept them inside way too long," she tells me and I know she's right. I start crying again, remembering how difficult being at home was and how scared I was. I start remembering my dad and his punishments and I don't realize it but I'm screaming while I cry.

Suddenly the door swings open and I scream really loudly. Then I see it's Amy, Lauren, and Dani and they're looking at me terrified.

"Ch-Christina?" Dani stutters in fear. Christina walks to them and gives each of them a reassuring hug.

"It's fine. Go downstairs and make a snack or something, we'll be down later," Christina tells them and they run downstairs. She shuts the door again and I look at her.

"I'm so sorry," I say.

"Don't be. They'll be fine," she says and sits back down next to me. I realize I just told Christina things I've always kept quiet about. I let my tears out in front of her which is something I hate doing. Yet instead of feeling ashamed, I feel a little bit better.

"Thanks Chrissy," I tell her and she smiles when I use her nickname.

"You're welcome," she says and I give her a quick hug. We both walk to the mirror and she removes her makeup and puts it on again while I clean my face and put some makeup on.

I hear a knock on the door and Christina asks who it is.

"Lisa, can I come in?" she asks and Christina looks at me.

"Yeah," I answer and she walks in, shutting the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" she asks me, "Amy, Lauren, and Dani are scared that something bad happened because you were screaming."

"I'm a bit better now," I say.

"She was releasing her built-up emotions," Christina adds. Lisa smiles and nods at that.

"Good. Christina taught me how to do that when I was 17 and there's no better person than her when it comes to understanding," Lisa tells me. I smile at her then at Christina.

"I know that now," I say.

"We better go explain to the others why you were crying and screaming," Christina says and Lisa and I nod. I compose myself as we walk down the stairs.

The moment the three of them see me however, they quickly jump up. Amy stands in front of her younger sisters protectively and it's like a kick to my stomach. They're scared of me.