Secretly known

07

Elli's POV

After their performance I somehow got through the schoolday and now I'm at home, on my bed, thinking.

I'm thinking about how I should tell Alex I think I like Reggie. I know I like him, but I'm not sure how. I mean, I'm not sure about what exactly it is I'm feeling. It's like I just can't sort it out. It's like my head is being drowned in complete chaos.

Writing songs can help you connect to your thougths and emotions even if you don't know what they're are. My Mom's words come to my mind.

Maybe that's what I should do.

(credits to Wonder by Shawn Mendes)

I grab my notebook and a pen. Okay, Elli, what are you thinking? Then everything came flooding towards me.

I wonder if I'm being real

Am I really falling for a ghost? Or am I just imagining things. Not him, but my feelings...

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

Should I talk to Alex about Reggie or should I just stay quiet? Should I tell him how I may or may not feel or just pretend like nothing is happening?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice to live inside a world that isn't black and white?

Maybe I just need to widen my horizons. I've always been the quiet girl who kept to herself. Maybe it's time for that to change. Go for what I want, speak my mind and come out of my comfort zone.

I wonder what it's like to be my friends hope that they don't think I'll forget about them

Should I tell Ivy? Do I have to ask the boys before I do that? Could that be hurtful? Everyone in school thinks they're holograms. I don't know. I just don't want to lie to my best friend. She doesn't deserve that. What if she finds out about me hiding all of this and just decides she no longer wants anything to do with me. What am I supposed to do then? I don't know what I would do with myself if that were to happen.

I wonder I wonder

Why does everything always have to be this complicated? Why can't there be a google for my questions and emotions? Life would be so much easier.

Right before I close my eyes the only thing that's on my mind

I haven't even spoken to him. Yet I can't stop thinking about him. I even was up all night because of him. He has heard my voice before in the garage. I wonder what he thinks about me. Today I've heard his voice for the first time. Not really, but it was the first time I heard him sing.

Been dreamin' that you feel it too

What if I'm just being stupid and he likes me too? No. He can't be feeling the same way. He doesn't even know me. I'm pretty sure for him I'm just Julie's little sister. What if I want to be something more than that?

I  wonder what it's like to be loved by you

I'm pretty sure that statement speaks for itself. Is he romantic? Is he not? All of this just shows me that I know nothing about him. But maybe that's exactly the reason why I should talk to him and get to know him.

Yeah I wonder what it's like I wonder what it's like to be loved by

I wonder why I'm so afraid of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint

I'm just so anxious all the time? Why even is that? The world isn't going to end if I make a mistake, is it? I don't think so. But yet the thought by itself seems so terrifying.  What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't like my personality? What if he doesn't like the way I look? I don't like the way I look...

I wonder, when I cry into my hands I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a [person]

What if he thinks I'm too emotional? Let's be honest here, there is not one moment in my life where I'm not being overflooded by emotions. What if he doesn't want to put up with that? What if he doesn't want to put up with me and my problems?

And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side and tell me that the world will end up alright

Will we be alright?

I wonder I wonder

Right before I close my eyes The only thing that's on my mind Been dreamin' that you feel it too I wonder what it's like to be loved by you Yeah I wonder what it's like I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you Yeah I wonder what it's like to be loved by you I wonder what it's like to be loved by

Right before I close my eyes The only thing that's on my mind Been dreamin' that you feel it too I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

My Mom was right. This really does help you. I think I know what I'm going to do. All I need to do is find Alex and talk to him without anyone else being around.

I have a plan.

---

A/N

What could be her plan?

Btw I also really like this song. Again all the credis go to Shawn Mendes for this song.

I have another exam coming up so I don't know when I can upload again.

See you guys soon!