𝕄𝕒𝕗𝕚𝕒 o̶r̶ n̶o̶t̶

1

present...
My alarm wakes me up and my motivation is under zero - Monday. Why do I have to stand up? Why can't I live my true life without the lies and roles I have to play? Why do I have to hide myself? What is the sense behind it? I would tell you if I would know. I mean, sure it is for my anonymity and for spying around the schoolground, but is it that easy? They will find out early, that something is wrong with my story. The whole empty places of the puzzle are too obvious to overview. What should I say, if they ask me about my family? What will happen, if they visit me? What should I do? You should stand up and go to school, like every fucking day and not thinking to much about stuff which is irrelevant! Yeah okay you're right! I don't have time for this!
~
Infront of the schoolgate I breath one more time in and out before I go on. I thought I have luck and don't meet the most stupid human on the earth in the morning, but too early... "Oh who is there? The little nerd, teachers pet! Do you have an apple with you for your teacher? Surely...", speaks Jake, who believes to be God. I hate him so much, but I have to be shy, scared and secluded only to not catch anyones attetion. I hate it! I would love to kick his ass or to punch him in his face only for fun and because I can do it, but I have to control myself. If the time comes, he gets what he deserves!
I only walk down the floor to my locker, to see Jake standing there and blocking the way. What is he thinking to do something like that? Is he really that stupid? It seems like it. But before I could freak out, he leaves and I can open my locker to pick up my books and go to my classroom. Like an exemplary nerd I'm sitting infront of the teachers desk in the first row. I hate this seat, but I have no other choice...
~
The school day is over really fast and I'm on the way back home. In this moment I'm walking down the street where I grew up and a lot of memories and emotions are coming back. As I stand infront of the door of our house I have to fight against some tears. What is wrong with me?! I'm DARK the leader of THE Mafia-Gang Dark Shadows and everyone is afraid of me. So why am I like that?! Why I'm showing so much feelings and emotions right now? I have to get myself under control!
I open the door and go inside the house. The first thing I see is my father and Jon. Jon is my best friend, my helpful guide and advice giving human who stands behind me and trys to help me, to live my real life without any masks or lies. I hate to do all of this, but I can't do anything against it. If I would try to leave the gang or do things which are not allowed then it would be complete betrayal and means death for me. My own father would stand infront of me with the pistol. No thanks!
I walk upstairs to my room and let me fall into my bed. What should I do? I have no idea. Maybe my good friend knows something... "Hey Mr. are you there? Do you have an idea what I can do right now? Is anywhere a fight or anything else?", I shout. 'Mr.' is my nickname for him and I don't even know anymore how it came to this one. It seems like he runs to my room, because he comes without breath into it. He looks around, sees me in the corner and walks right to me. He stops one meter away from me and gives me a look of worrieness, notknowing and asking. I have to laugh about that and he shows sympathie as he also begins to laugh.
As we are finished and calmed down, I look at him like every day and he knows what my question was. "I'm really sorry Alice, but there is no battle or fight anywhere around, maybe tomorrow...", he tells me and I lay back in my bed. I hate days like that! What should I do then? I can't sit here and do nothing! Maybe I should learn a little bit for school, but because of my big general knowlege I don't really have to do this and I'm happy about that.
~
After half an hour I stand up and go upstairs again in my training room. I dance and cickbox there for staying fit and not becoming fat. Also there is a piano for if I have a phase to sing and play some music. Yeah sometimes I'm a normal teenager who likes something like that too. Only because I'm a mafiagirl I'm not emotionless, also I often have to play it like that. I open the door and look on the wall which is a big mirrow to see how I dance and how I could improve my fighting. I thought about everything as I designed the room and I'm really proud of it.
~
I danced a whole hour or two I don't really know. After that I sit down infront of the piano and play a little bit out of my thoughts. I don't know what I play, but it makes me calm down, feeling good and then I sing to it, without any idea if it's right or wrong. I just sing and feel good, without knowing why. After playing and reliving the moment I remember why I feel better, it was a song that my mother taught me as a child. This beloved memory of her is always with me while playing the piano or singing. I do really miss her... Focus! You're right! It's the wrong time fo sentimentality.
~
After a time which I don't know how long it was, I go outside on my balkony and sit down on the cosy chair in the corner. I look up to the sky and see the beautiful stars which are shining and showing a lot of pictures and stories. Again I remember me and mother talking about the myths about the arise of the stars, which are really funny and written with a lot of fantasy. Why are you so distracted today? I don't know either.

I don't realize anything around me, so I nearly freak out as someone speaks to me from the neighbour house. "Hey!", says a voice of a guy and I look fast in the direction of the source. There is sitting a guy in my age, with black hair, dark eyes, an asian taint and a wonderful smile who seems to live in the house next to mine. Actually there lived no one for ten years, so I'm more shocked to see someone like him there. But I don't want to speak with him, I only want to have my silence and think about some stuff. "Aren't you speaking with everybody?", he asks me and I have to answer, because of my nerd-image. "Hey!", I say shy and look again in the sky. Out of the corner of my eye I see that he smiles and I turn my head again. "What?", I ask too fast and too unfriendly. "Oh sorry... I actually don't wanna disturb ya, but I moved here today with my family and wanna say 'Hello' to my neighbours. And then I was sitting in my room and heard music, first I saw ya dancing and then ya played the piano and sung. As ya walked outside on your balkony I had to say something! It looks and sounds really good! I really like it! What is actually your name? I'm Tien..", he says and looks expectful to me. What does he want from me? Why does he speaks so much? Can't he just stay quiet? I hate it! "My name is Alice... thank you, but I only do this as a hobby. But I see, that I have to learn for school, so goodbye!", I answer. "Oh, okay sure, see ya", he speaks and I walk inside to 'learn' for school.
After this little 'conversation' I sit down on my desk and turn on my laptop to search things about my new neighbours. It knocks on my door and Jon comes in. "What are you doing there? Did I miss something?", he asks full of notknowing. "It's really funny to see you like that, but did you know, that we have new neighbours? Find out as much as you can, that I can assess how I can speak to him and handle this people! We don't have so much time, I bet he is going to my school!", I say and he turns around and calls someone to get these information.
~
As I finished my work of the leader of my gang I turn of my laptop, change my clothes, lie down in my bed and turn of the lights to sleep. I hope this will be not so difficult with that stupid guy. What was his name? Tim, Tom, Tony, Toby, Tyler, Tien...- Tien. It sounds asian like he looks like, not that I make my opinion over the outside of people, the best example is myself not to do that! After a longer time which I used to think about the day and all the tings that happend I fell in a dreamless sleep.