𝕄𝕒𝕗𝕚𝕒 o̶r̶ n̶o̶t̶

Epilogue

10 years later...
I'm sitting here in my room, in the students apartment, where I have to study for my degree in psychology. I really decided to fly to Germany, because I can German, learned it in school and they have great methods to help people like me. I've got a therapy and got over the death of my mother and worked with others together to build a social network for me. I learned a lot for my life here and gave a lot back.

I'm a calm, friendly, strong, peacful and a little bit shy person now and I'm happy with it. I don't wanna be this cold, emotionless and too strong girl from the past again, never! I hold my promise which I gave my mother before she died right in my arms. I graduated from high school and being at university right now. It couldn't be better for me! After this whole time I write down my story, to show the world how it is to live a life which isn't real, how you feel like and what you can change. I write this for helping others with the same or similar problems and give them some tipps to solve them or can live with them.

I canceled the contact with all of my 'friends' of the past and found new ones who are standing behind me and helping me in bad times. I also help them and give a lot back, because I didn't do this in the past. I'm really happy here in Germany and surely get my diplome or doctor. I will get it and can help even more people. I try to get a place at the police as a profiler or analyst and wanna help them to find criminals faster and better with my knowledge of the past and the present. I could really be the best one and safe so many people. I wanna give them back, what they did for me and what they are still doing for me. Since I'm in Germany and they know that I'm searched from the others of my gang to get killed, I get personal protection of the police to be safe and they can find some gang members, it's good for both sides. I hope someday it's over...

I hear a knocking on my door and stand up to open it. As I see Tien standing there in front of me, I can't really say, how I feel. I know, that he doesn't wanna loose me, but that he comes here, is a real suprise for me. I don't know how I should react or what I should say, but he does something for me. He hugs me, comes closer and let me feel more comfortable in this moment. I have to say, that I still like him, but he surely doesn't like me anymore. I mean, look at him and look at me, look at the miles which would be between us, this would never work. He is standing there smiling at me and I also have to smile. "Hey!", I say and he hugs me again. I don't know how to feel. You said that before... Yeah I know, but it's like that! But wait! How did he come in without me knowing it? The police is in front of the house! "How you came in?", I ask him and he looks amused in my face. "The door was open and I heard you humming a song which I know really good, there I had to come in", he says with a big smile on his face and I laugh about this coment and his face. He looks like a little child and I love it. "I missed you Tien. And I'm sorry for not calling you, but-", I can't speak no longer, because his lips find the way to mine and I feel so good in this moment, that I intense the kiss and hug him tiedly. I will never let him go again. I need him too much and I feel it now. "Tien... I like you, but more as a friend should do... I have a crush on you since I saw you the first time and heard your voice at this night. You helped me every time and I wanna say thank you...", I say to him the same words like he in the past and we lie down on the bed, getting closer and kissing each other. This is my life, it's sometimes stressful, also peaceful, colorful, fast, slow, loud, silent, warm and cold, but I love it like that. I'm glad to live now and that's MY life...