It has been about a week since my dream of Gus. Right now I am sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, little Gus and Infinity are with me, playing with their toys together, on the floor. The radio is on and I am just watching my twins have fun together. Knowing that Augustus is watching us.My dad is at work. So is Isaac. It's just us three here.
"Mummy, is Isaac going to be daddy one day?" Gus asks.
"He won't be your daddy sweetie. Augustus will always be your daddy. But, if Isaac and I ever got married he would be your step-daddy." I answer. "Why? Do you want that to happen?"
"Yeah, Isaac cool. I like him." Gus says, Infinity nods in agreement.
"Maybe, one day, he might be your step-daddy." I say, thinking about what Gus said in my dream, about me and Isaac having a good life and getting married. And sure, I wouldn't mind marrying Isaac, he is amazing, and he's great with the kids, but it won't be like marrying Gus. Isaac knows that though, I told him about the dream and everything. He understands.
They go back to playing with their toys and I just watch them, listening to the radio.
The song Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol comes on, and I can't help but sing along to it.
"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said to much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?"
As I sing I think about Gus, about our love and how much this song reminds me of him.
"Mummy, why are you crying?" Infinity asks.
I wipe my cheeks, not realising that I was crying.
"Don't worry. I'm fine." I tell her.
"Mummy, you a really good singer." Gus says.
"Thank you, sweetie." I say.
"Can you sing to us again?" Infinity asks.
"Okay..." I say, trying to think of a song to sing, they come over and I help them onto my bed.
"Step outside the sea
They don't know you like I do
They don't know you like I do
Not all of life is cruel
Not all of life is so untrue
Not all of life is so untrue
I can hear the morning birds
Light up on the branches
And each in turn
Sing of all God's praises
Without words
Without words
Don't turn it all inside
I don't like to see you cry
I don't like to see you cry
Whispered kisses in your ears
Touch so soft and warm
Confessions all of love for you
(Yes) without words
Stare into the flame
Until you see beyond the light
All the while, truth was mine
It's with myself, I fight
Sin you've carried like a corpse
Across your back these days
Let it fall away
Let it fall away
Let it fall away
I can hear the morning birds
So light upon the branches
And each in turn
They sing of all God's praises
Yes, without words
Without words
Without words"
My beautiful children applaud me, smiling brightly.
"Sing another song!" Gus exclaims.
So I do, we spend the next few hours singing and dancing, waiting for my dad to come home.
YOU ARE READING
Tfios fan fiction
RomanceIt has been four weeks. Four weeks since Augustus and I had lost our virginities to each other in Amsterdam. He is in the hospital, dying, and I can't do anything to stop it. I love him so much and he's dying. He's leaving me. I always thought that...