Seek

Epilogue

"The first step in happiness is acceptance..."

"Accept what is gone and cherish what that person left to you..."

"Memories aren't just thoughts inside our head and heart that we cherish. It is a time machine where we could turn back the time and see our happy memories..."

"Love didn't stop when stop breathing. It'll stop when your memories with them are forgotten..."

"Hindi lang ala-ala 'yan, kwento 'yan na hindi dapat makalimutan..."

***

KHRYZ'S POINT OF VIEW

"Are you all ready?" Kryp asked and showed us the time capsule that we buried in the sand for 5 years. We're all on the seashore. While the bonfire was in the middle. I look to my son who's sleeping in the tent with Chimon. I can't help but stare at the time capsule. Sing remember? You promised me that we will be back here together but where are you? The strong wind flew in our direction which gives me a chill. Are you with us? They start reading their messages. But my mind was diving into the deepest thought.

"Bal... Khryz." I was snapped back when Kryp poke me. "It's your turn." He handed me my letter. The letter I wrote five years ago. I get it and stand in the middle to read it. While reading it my mind wandered in the past. My letter has only one sentence. I faced them. "I love Sing Veine Pelaez and it will never change." Everything turns in silent until the last letter in the time capsule given to me by my twin.

"I don't want." Something throbbed inside me when I remember that the paper where Sing wrote his letter.

"Please,bal. Read it." I took a deep sigh. And starts reading that letter that Sing should be reading to us if he's still alive. And this message makes me cry in pain. Masakit parin. 

"It should be a letter for my future self. But Khryz is my other half. My life and my future. I will write this letter to you, love. For you khryz. I hope five years from now you can smile. A real smile, not a smile for me to feel better only. Smile because you are happy. I love you so much. And remember this. The word Seek. S for sorry for giving you pain and fear. E-—" I stop in the middle because my tears suddenly burst. Our memories flash in my head. And it's shattered me. 

"I-i can't continue it." I said while shrugging. Kita ko ang lungkot at away sa mga mata nila. 

"Khryz... You need to read it. I'm sure Sing wants you to read it." My vision becomes blurry indicating that I'm crying so much. It's been a year but the pain is like day one. My hands are trembling. The paper was now filled with my tears.

"E, for. Enough. E-enough crying. E-enough thinking. E-enough asking why this h-happened. Enough looking for pain. E-enough love... Enough. A-another E. Everything. Everything that happened is not for us to be in pain forever. It's happened because we need to learn something that makes us grow. E-everything that happens because it has a great reason in the end. Always remember that. And last K. K-khryz I love you so much. You are my everything. Thank you for giving me a reason to live. To fight and t-to be h-happy. If I-I couldn't make it. R-read t-this letter for me. A-and goes back to Hawaii and read m-my message t-to you in the stone. I love you khryz. So much. I'm sorry and  I-i love you." My knees weakened ended I fall to the ground my twin and our Friends gathered around me, asking if I am okay or what. I'm not okay. 

"I'm not okay and the pain I don't want anymore. P-please makes it gone. Make it disappear. I can't handle it please." They just hugged me and let me cry until I get tired. And that moment. I realize that I'm not numb. It's not emptiness. It's pain that I refused to take as pain. Napagod ako. Kaya kinalimutan ko 'yong sakit. I acted numb to ease the pain.  But my pain will never ease in that way. I just run away from it.

***

"Nakakapagod palang mapagod." I whispered while looking at the rushing water from the fall. The rainbow falls looks so lively. Memories played in my mind. In this place Sing and I smiling happily.

"Sing. Everywhere I go,  I always remember you. I miss you," I uttered. That makes me smile sadly. I look for the stone that Sings hides. The two stones that we hide and promised that we will read if we come back here. But I'm the only one who came back.  When I found the stones. I read the message that I wrote five years ago here for him.

"I will never leave you, Sing... I love you," Tears escaped from me again. And when I took a glance at the stone that has a message from Sing, I break down in tears more.

"Set me, free love... Continue living." I bit my lower lip to avoid sobbing. Then my phone vibrated. I grab it and I was shocked it was an email from Sing. A scheduled email. It's a clip. I play it.

"Hi, Love." He greeted and smile he looks so healthy in the video.

"I'm recording this and going to send it to you after 5 years. If I can't make it. I'm sure you will be in pain. And I'm sorry love." His eyes start to become teary. "And I know if you will come back to Hawaii. You will go there the same day you answered me to become your boyfriend. I love you khryz. I really do. But please continue living happily." He wiped his tears. I'm hoping I can wipe those tears.

"Stop thinking about h-how I've suffered or we've suffered. Please think about those happy memories we have. I might die. But I'm still alive in your memories. In all your memories. Remember? You said there are two kinds of death physical death and death in memory. I will still live in your memories love." He stopped talking the let his tears shed. He looked again at the camera and smile. A smile with happiness. Ngiting walang lungkot, sakit o, anuman. It's showing true bliss.

"S-stop crying. Wipe it off." He glared like he was annoyed at me because I'm crying. I immediately wiped my tears away. While chuckling. "You are my life khryz. It means if you continue living happily. I'm living happily too. You might not see me. But you can feel me. Inside of your heart. And if you want to see me. Just close your eyes and recall our memories together. You will see me there. I love you so much. Be happy and you can be happy if you let go of the pain. You don't need to forget it. You just need to accept it. I know you can make it. I love you love... I love you Khryz.. Always remember that... I love you and our son. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for loving me. It's time for us to rest from the pain. I'm happy to see you here from above. Lagi ko kayong babantayan. Be happy.  I love you so much..." He kissed the camera before turning it off.  I closed my eyes and flashed our memories. Our happy memories.

"I'll hold your memories forever tightly."

"DADDY!!" I open my eyes immediately and there I saw my son, our son running towards me. I saw my twin, his family, and our friends walking in my direction too. They are all smiling. That makes me smile too. I hugged my son Franze as he reached my spot. An air blew in our direction it's feel like he was hugging us too.

Thank you sing... For making me realized my fault. Running away from the pain will isn't helpful. I should face it. I should accept it. Because the more I run away, the more I seek pain. Thank you for lightening my world again. Hindi naman mahirap tanggapin. It's just I'm scared of what will happen next. But I shouldn't fear it. I should face it. You are still with me though not physically. I will take care of our son. And I will make sure he will never forget you. You never died. Because you we so lively in our memories. I looked up at the sky. It's so peaceful. I nodded like someone looking at me from there. I will set you free love. I will set your painful memories free and I will cherish the happiest memories that we shared. Stop seeking me now. Because I'm the one who will seek you... In my memories.

"I will see you again in my memories love,  Sing... I love you so much." Let's our paths crossed again in the memories we made. "Hahanapin kita, Sing... Hahanapin kita sa mga ala-alang pabaon mo."