Men In Black - complete

Chapter 27

Dean was really, really bored. And when he was bored he either did one of two things.

He either pranked the hell out of someone, or did something really weird.

And since Sam wasn't in the mood for any pranks, he chose option two.

Hence why he was currently being used as a snuggle buddy for Bear, who loved his creature form. As Sam had so aptly put it, Dean's creature form was practically Bear's "puppy".

Which left Sam the one stuck driving them everywhere. If anyone asked, he had a fight with Dean again and his brother had offered the Impala.

To those in the know, he simply stated that Dean was bored and that usually shut anyone asking up. It was never a good thing when Dean was bored. Especially since Dean knew a shit ton of prank spells.

So Dean took a nice little nap with Bear keeping him firmly between his massive paws. A few cooling charms on his fur kept them both comfortable, and besides he rarely got to go around as Stitch for fun.

Sam put up with it for one reason, and one reason only. It shut his brother up and kept Dean out of his hair for a few hours if he was lucky.

Instead Dean stayed like that for two whole days because he was just that bored.

He almost turned back when someone shot at Sam from above the hotel roof.

Dean crawled up the roof invisible (Sam had helpfully charmed his fur with the disillusionment spell) and found... Gordon, the asshole vampire hunter?

He might not have been any good at legilmency, but the second he saw Gordon was aiming directly at Sam, Dean knew he had to do something.

So he decided to be a bigger asshole than the guy aiming at his brother.

Dean cackled, loudly from behind Gordon. It wasn't his usual prankster cackle, but the one that usually freaked Mort out for some weird reason.

Gordon damn near jumped out of his skin, and then he made the worst mistake he could.

He took out his hand gun and took a wild guess as to where Dean was before he started shooting.

Because the gun wasn't silenced, Dean didn't have to do more than break the bastard's leg in two places to make it impossible for him to escape the cops. All it would take was Sam's statement about him shooting them for no reason and Gordon would be jail bait for the familiars that happened to be doing time.

And Dean fully intended to let them know which prison this bastard was going to so they could send a few people in. To pay their...respects...as it were.

"I hate people named Ron. I don't know why, but this only cements my hate towards people with the name Ron," said Dean. They were in a bank, held hostage by an idiot who happened to spot a damn shifter and decided to play hero.

To top it all off, the idiot shared the same name as Harry's former best friend... Ron Weasly. It was either a huge coincidence or one of the universe's cosmic jokes that anyone named Ron was a complete idiot. Dean was betting on it being the latter.

"Right now I agree with you," muttered Sam under his breath.

"If he lives through this I'm dropping a permanent bomb on his ass," said Dean sourly. Sam nodded in agreement.

(Un?)Fortunately for Ron, he was killed by a sniper's bullet. Idiot just had to stand in the light.

"Damn. Okay, since that moron's dead, there's only one thing to do. Bear, find the damn shifter so we can leave already," said Dean.

Bear, who had been quiet and hiding under his enchanted collar, started sniffing for anything not human. It took him two minutes.

Dean expertly threw a conjured silver knife at the shifter, before they used a disillusionment spell to duck out a side door with the dog. Because they had parked far enough away that the bank's outside cameras wouldn't identify them later, it was easy making a break for it. And the fact they had gone under disguise insured no one would pin the death on Dean and Sam Harvelle.

Besides, they had made sure to short out the inner security cameras a few minutes after entering the place. Not like anyone would notice that fact until it was too late to stop them.

Dean was about to dispute the idea of angels when Mort appeared. So he decided to ask the one person who would know if angels really did exist or not definitively.

"Mort, yes or no on the existence of angels?"

"Angels are real, and most of them are bigger assholes than most humans you know. The higher the angel, the more arrogance they tend to have. There was this one arch angel who was at least tolerable, but he left heaven centuries ago to avoid getting caught up in his brother's argument" said Mort immediately.

Sam looked triumphant at the knowledge that angels did in fact exist.

"So what do they look like?" Sam asked.

"Like giant pillars of light. You know that series Dean likes to watch but always denies he's a sci-fi fan?"

"I am not a fan of Stargate SG-1!"

"Yeah?"

"Angels are pretty much transcending beings who just happen to share space with the souls of the dead. Again, they are complete arrogant assholes by Dean's usual definition. Basically they are like the Ancients of Dean's favorite sci-fi series."

"Fine. Are we dealing with an angel or not?"

"Describe the signs or signals given. I can at least tell you if it is one, but I'm fairly certain it's not. I would have sensed one if it were anywhere near Dean."

"Well the people chosen say they saw a pillar of light, and that the angel told them who to go after. Said there would be a pretty clear sign and they would know when they saw it."

"Was this directly from the angel?"

"From what we can tell, yes."

"And the people you spoke to were sane and heard clear English?"

"Yes to both" said Sam.

"Then it's definitely no angel. Angels have to take vessels in order to speak to humans and when they do try to speak without them, they have the worst tendency to use Enochian, which is the language of heaven. Also, very few people can hear Angels without going insane, and to see an angel's true form will lead to their eyes being burnt out of their skull."

"Let me guess. Being from a higher plane makes it difficult to communicate, let alone see them?"

"Precisely. Again, I would have felt if it was an angel. I am rather partial to Dean after all."

Sam snorted. Dean was fond of Mort, even if he was a cryptic jerk sometimes.

"Well at least Mort cleared that up before we made fools of ourselves. Though I am glad to know angels exist," said Sam.

"They sound like dicks with wings to be honest," said Dean flatly.

Mort snorted. That was an understatement.

"So it's not an angel. Let's find out what it really is then... Uh, Mort? Is this thing a shifter?"

"No."

"Good. Last one involved some moron by the name of Ron and he really pissed me off."

It took Dean and Sam two days to figure out it was the priest who had been murdered at the church, and another hour to convince the current one to lead the last rites. That was all Mort would say on how to deal with the ghost. The brothers weren't exactly comfortable salting and burning a priest's bones.

Dean was in such a foul mood that he turned into Stitch and refused to change back for two days.