Don't Play With Fire | Zuko x Sokka

9 | Memories

"Dad is. . . dead?" Sokka said as if he didn't believe it. Everything went dead silent.

"What?" Katara asked desperately, walking over and taking the letter from Sokka, who was staring at something in the distance. Her eyes looked over the scroll, widening. A tear streamed down her face and then more, and more. She fell to her knees, sobbing. Sokka turned around, tilting his head to the sky. Aang got up and went over to Katara, letting her cry onto him. She sobbed, hard.

"It was- it was the fire nation. Dad's ship sank when they were trying to steal a weapons shipment," Sokka said. He couldn't believe it. Toph stood up and went over to Katara, hugging her as well. Sokka and Zuko met eyes. Zuko's were emotionless, despite all that was happening. Sokka's were swimming with a million different things. A tear ran down his face. He turned around and walked to his tent, holding his head in one hand.

Zuko wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't imagine what Sokka was feeling. His dad had died. If Zuko's dad had died, he wouldn't cry. He'd be happy for it. He couldn't really feel the sympathy and remorse he knew he should be feeling. But maybe he could pretend? Yeah, maybe just this once.

Zuko stood up and walked to Sokka's tent. He opened the flap to see the other boy leaning over the ground with a flask in his hand. Drinking already? Zuko sighed and moved toward Sokka, sitting down. The tan boy looked up with puffy and tear-stained eyes.

"What are you do-" Sokka was interrupted by Zuko pulling him into a hug. After a second he relaxed, letting his head drop onto Zuko's shoulder. He hadn't forgotten their fight, but maybe just for a little, they could pretend like everything was okay.

~~~

The two boys laid together, Zuko's arms around Sokka. Neither boy forgave easily, so the air was awkward and tense. Sokka's burned hands were a reminder of that. A blanket was hastily thrown over them, their feet sticking out, but neither of them wanted to move it. Zuko heard Sokka breathing shakily. He knew he was crying. The water tribe boy's head was pressed against the fire-princes chest, hiding his tears. Zuko sighed, rubbing Sokka's back softly.

The two laid together for what felt like a long time. Sokka's breathing eventually evened out as he fell asleep. Zuko didn't want to sleep. First of all, it was still light out. And second of all, the fucking nightmares. Zuko had always had nightmares. But they'd gotten much worse since he'd joined the Avatar. Probably because he actually started caring. He'd gotten too vulnerable, and now there were consequences. Now his dreams could actually hurt him. And he knew the nightmare he would have that night. Xianzu. He always pushed the memory away, forcing it to stay in the past, but now he knew he'd have to face it. If only he'd been able to control himself last night. . .

The memory played itself in his head.

Zuko walked toward Mai's house. He looked at the place where it had all started. He walked up the steps and inside. Everyone had thought Zuko and Mai were together. But Zuko was actually going to see Mai's older brother, Xianzu. Xianzu was two years older than Mai. He was an expert swordsman, though he was only fifteen. He'd only arrived at the palace recently, since he was sent to a training camp as a baby, growing up as a disciplined warrior. The first time he and Zuko met, Xianzu was intrigued. He charmed Zuko. They started to hide away together to kiss and spend time with each other. Zuko's young mind quickly fell for the older boy. Things escalated to the point of sex. Xianzu was always a bit rough with Zuko, but the prince didn't know any different. Xianzu never hurt the other boy too much though, he didn't want to get in trouble. Their "relationship" continued like this for a few months. But one day, Xianzu disappeared altogether. Zuko was alone again.

Many things happened after that. Zuko was banished, and he and his uncle began their search for the avatar. Two years later, Zuko's crew stopped at a fire nation base. They were to pick up supplies, and one of Iroh's old friends had invited him. As his uncle talked with the general, Zuko wandered the halls. He walked into a cafeteria filled with many young soldiers. The soldiers weren't wearing their armor, it was late so they were relaxing. He looked around as they stared back at him. He made eye contact with one in particular. Xianzu. That stupid face. That stupid attractive face. Those stupid eyes, that stupid hair. He looked older, but still much the same. He was surrounded by people, and they were talking and laughing. Zuko clenched his jaw. He ripped his eyes away and walked out. But he soon heard footsteps behind him. He refused to turn around until he reached the gardens.

"Why? Why did you leave?" Zuko yelled.

"Because I had to," Xianzu said nonchalantly.

"You didn't care? You didn't care about. . . about me?" Zuko said, spinning around. Xianzu furrowed his brow.

"Why would I?"

"Didn't it mean anything to you?" Zuko asked desperately. Xianzu tilted his head.

"I LOVED YOU, DAMN IT!"

"You really are stupid, Zuzu." Xianzu laughed. "Are you staying the night?" Zuko nodded. "Come with me," Xianzu said with that stupid, manipulator smile. He'd just completely ignored Zuko.

"Xian, where are we going?" Zuko asked as Xianzu grabbed his hand and started walking.

"My room," he said, making Zuko blush. He still loved the idiot, he couldn't help it. So he was taken through the mess of halls to a silver door. Xianzu opened it with a key and the two walked in. It was a nice room, not a prison bunk like most soldiers stayed in. Xianzu closed the door, causing it to lock immediately. Before he could even speak, Zuko was pushed against a wall, Xianzu's lips pressed against his. For a second he enjoyed it, but something was different. Zuko's arms were held up over his head, his body pressed firmly against the wall. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. Zuko was scared. After a minute, the older boy moved down to Zuko's neck, kissing and biting at it. Leaving marks. It was rough, and it hurt. But through all that, it still felt good. Zuko breathed heavily as Xianzu dragged his tongue up his neck and back to his lips. Xianzu stepped back and started to take off his shoes. Zuko did the same. Xianzu then took off his shirt. Zuko looked at him. He was more toned and muscular than he had been before. I mean it had been two years, he'd definitely changed a bit.

"Take your shirt off," he said harshly. Zuko obeyed without question. Xianzu came over to him and ran his hands down Zuko's chest. He looked in the younger's eyes. "Get on the bed." Once again, Zuko obeyed. He was scared, usually, Xianzu was kinder. He cursed himself for how much he loved this boy. He couldn't do anything to hurt him. Xianzu picked up Zuko's belt from the ground. He walked over to the bed where Zuko was laying down. He got on top of Zuko and grabbed his hands, tying them together. Zuko winced. He didn't like this.

~~~

Zuko was crying and moaning. He hated that it felt good. Why couldn't he make it stop? Why couldn't he just throw some fire? Do something, anything! But he felt stuck, helpless.

That night, Zuko was used in many ways. They continued for hours, Xianzu forcing him into different positions, painful ones. He was gagged, blindfolded, tied up, and he couldn't do anything. The worst part was that he knew he could. He knew he had the ability to make it stop. But he just couldn't. How pathetic.

After what felt like an eternity, Xianzu was finally finished.

"If you try to hurt me, I'll ruin you. And by the way, I don't give a shit about you," he said, his words cutting Zuko like a knife. He left the room, leaving Zuko alone, naked, tied up on the bed. Zuko struggled for what felt like a long time, finally untying his wrists and taking off the blindfold. He was bruised and sore all over. Zuko sobbed. He felt disgusting. He couldn't stop crying. Not when he put his clothes back on, not when he showered, not when he went back to his ship to get as far away as possible, not when he finally went to sleep. That memory plagued him wherever he went.

And after that, Zuko was different. He refused to love again, refused to show weakness, refused to say anything that could get him hurt. It was easier this way.

That was how it had been ever since that day. And now, when he was laying here with Sokka in his arms, he wondered if he'd been too rough, or if he'd scared Sokka at all. But who cared, it wasn't like it was gonna happen again, right?

12/4/20