Not Born for This World

Chapter 3

I had nothing left,no parents,no family,no friends,nowhere to call home anymore,and no money,except for one thousand shillings,in my M-Pesa account.

The world had indeed done me one dirty one.

As i lay there,I considered approaching my friends for help or advise but eventually talked myself out of it.

The few of my former classmates who had come to see me the morning after that fateful night,had looked at me with nothing but plain pity in their eyes

The fact that I was mourning still didn't deterred them from drilling me with insensitive questions,on some of the details on the manner in which my parents had met their end.

It had felt as if they had been there, out of mere curiosity. Like they were the Press.

After getting the answers they had come looking for,they had then started talking in hushed whispers and then started making their way out one after another.

Leaving me to continue crying in my bedroom.

Lisa and Maria had stayed behind for a few minutes only to tell me they had been invited to a BBQ party by some of their friends.

They had even gone the extra mile to ask me if I would be willing to accompany them claiming that if I couldn't handle it,I could leave the party early.

Because that's what normal people in mourning do,right?

The audacity!

I had politely declined,with the excuse that I had a meeting with my paternal uncles later that day for the burial arrangements.

Not long after, they too had left saying that they needed ample time to prepare for the party. Promising to come back soon,which they never did.

In those two weeks, as I had made endless trips to the police station,to help them with the case by give my statement countless times, and at the same time still mourning my parents,there had been nowhere to be seen.

That was until the day of the burial.

The fact that they didn't give me a shoulder to lean on during those two weeks, even after I had been there for them on different account,disappointed me and made me reconsider our whole friendship.

Looking back,the fact that I had felt the need to lie to them about the reason why i couldn't go to the BBQ party with them mad me realise the kind of person I really was.

I was not kind hearted and loving as Mum would often described me as.

I was nothing but a push over.

Someone without a single back bone.

A person who allowed others to use her,without fighting back or standing up for herself.

That's who truly was, and that realization made me feel useless beyond measures.

I started blaming myself even more now, for my parents' death.

I wasn't even able to save them in time that night. I had failed them.

On the other hand my friend' actions had actually not surprised me as much. I had always had a feeling they were fake

Back in highschool I felt like the only time they wanted to hangout was if we were going shopping later. With my parents money and status I had been able to make reservations in expensive restaurants and after going shopping with them I would then take them out to French dishes with names that went over our heads just like the language itself.

I did all this to basically try and fit into their circle but at the end of the day o always felt like the misfit with their constant two faced side remarks.