I'm A Lil' ( a BTS Littles fic!)(ABANDONED)

71 [For One Sits Under A Tree]

There's gon' be a big time skip yeah- this is the day after interviews, voice practice and photoshoots (this was supposed to fluff, but I went nah let's make this kind of sad, I still have the fluff version if yal want it I can put it in my other book of oneshots haha)
----------------------Third Person P. O. V
"Daddy? " Joonie calls out, tiptoeing through the hall. There's a muffled cry through the walls, it's TaeTae, who woke up not feeling too good, his voice was hoarse and he had a little bit of a temperature. He peeks in the room the lights dimmed and 3 caregivers were just around him trying to get him to calm down and sleep. Hoseok and Yoonie were in their own room as Yoonie was in baby space and needed to get more attention than usual leaving Joonie.
"Daddy.. " he called out again, Jungkook looked back at him, he signed a " sorry, wait please, be good. " and looked back at TaeTae. Joonie nodded, knowing that Jungkook couldn't see it, he understood. He closes the door and blinks away the tears, He has to be a good boy. Something like this has happened before too, the mindset of him always having to smile, to be perfect for his caregivers even when he wanted to kick and scream. He takes a deep breath and pushes all his emotions down and smiles to himself, maybe Hoseok will keep him company. He tip toes through the hall and opens the door slowly to Hoseok holding Yoonie trying to get him down for a nap.
"Not now Joonie, be a big boy and wait" Hoseok mouths, and Joonie forces a smile up and closes the door again. Be a good boy.
He grabs his coat from the hanger as he sniffles and holds back tears. He looks back into the hall again and gives a sad smile before walking out into the deck. It's snowing outside, the winter had come. He doesn't mind, he grabs one of their sleds for him just to sit on and drags it down. Joonie loves this tree in the yard, the biggest one there, he's always just sat under it whilst writing or reading or,  when he just needs a break. He drags the sled right under the tree and sits on it. Looking out into the woods, he notices that the snow is soft and quite thick. Places his hand in it,leaving his handprint in the snow, he giggles to himself and looks around him, picking up a stick.  He makes strokes into the snow and smiles to himself, non of his caregivers would listen to him, but at least nature would always be there for him, he starts writing in the snow.

"Why do I always have to be the big boy?"
He starts.. Ah yes, a big boy as they say, a role model to the younger ones, someone that sacrifices for the younger ones sometimes.

"TaeTae, Yoon, and Koo get to be small"
The amount of times he was the same age or even younger than the other littles, but had to keep quiet because they were more sensitive and he seemed more mature, in an older headspace, where in actuality he just reacts to headspace differently.

"Da', Momma, and Eomma always hold the little ones."
Right after practice or concerts or anything, they always go towards the supposed little ones, and he walks usually alone, and he can't say a word since he'd gone nonverbal a while before.

"What if Joonie wants to be held too? "
And Joonie craves the living touch of his caregivers after a hard day, and he's always thankful for the short times he is held and every kiss he's given after a concert.

"Joonie want to cuddle and want to get kisses and get loves too."
He doesn't want to be a second thought, doesn't want to wait anymore, why can't he be their top priority too?

"But Joonie big boy"
Yes. At least that's what they say he is, a constant reminder that he will always have to wait and shut his mouth, to be "good."

"big boys don't get much of those"

" It isn't fair sometimes. "
Because it isn't, and honestly he doesn't know what to do with himself sometimes, because sometimes it stresses him more than how stressed he was when he was big, and ends up just slipping back into the uncomfortable headspace.