A Dying Girl's List

Chapter 9

Two weeks went by after the mall incident, and Jace was still radio-silent. Lissa didn't want to keep thinking about it, but she couldn't help herself. This was stressing her out and she should have been keeping her stress level to a minimum. Doctor Walsh's orders.

She was sitting on her couch, reading through the List again, since she had nothing to do and her parents went away on a last-minute trip to Switzerland – for business, so she was home alone, again. She ascended the steps two by two to her room to find a safe place to keep all the pictures they took thus far, and for others yet to come. She found a shoebox in a cluttered corner of her room, stashed the pictures in it, and tucked the box away under her bed.

Then the doorbell rang. She dashed out of her room and went downstairs to answer it,

“I'm coming!” she shouted as she reached downstairs. She swung the door open, and her eyes grew as wide as saucers. She was certainly not expecting Jace to be standing there. Jace had been contemplating that visit ever since the incident, he was deeply hurt, sure, but he still cared, and he had promised to help with the List. So he swallowed his pride and came over with the intent of burying the hatchet and forgetting he had ever asked her out, but with one – shocked – look from Lissa, his plan dissolved into nothingness.

“What are you doing here?” Lissa asked, clearly baffled by his unexpected visit.

“I'm here to talk. About what happened at the mall...may I come in?” this was not the plan, this was not the plan...Jace kept repeating in his head. He was just supposed to say sorry, bury the hatchet and move on. If he talked about the incident, it would be a huge mistake...or, it won't.

“Yeah! Sure,” she opened the door wider, allowing him to step inside. The pros and cons of the incident were slowly beginning to outweigh each other with each step he took towards the living room.

“Thanks,” they both sat down on the couch, with a safe distance between them. By the time he sat down, there were more cons to talking about it than there were pros. Lissa could decide to just cut him out of her life completely and move on, or she'd somehow be okay with everything.

They went from being comfortable around each other to uncomfortable. Why was it always when feelings are involved or confessed, that there's this unspoken rule that says those two people can't be friends after the one was rejected? Why is it that there's always this awkward cloud floating above their heads, even after the rejection? Why are things never the same between those two people ever again? Is it, because they know, in the back of their mind, that the other person has never fully gotten over the rejection and has just been suppressing their feelings all along? Is that the reason why so many friendships – between the opposite gender – never work out?

Jace forced himself away from his rejection thoughts and initiated the conversation, seeing as Lissa was just sitting there, tongue-tied.

“Listen, Lissa, I want...need to know why you ran away that day? Was it too much for you, or what?” he spoke quietly, but his eyes were practically screaming at her to answer.

“No Jace, it's nothing like that...”

“Then what is it, Lissa? I felt so stupid after you left, that's why I waited this long to talk to you again,”

“Jace, you know I'm...dying, and I can't have you or even myself, for that matter, getting too attached, it won't last long. There are only 20 months left! I'm basically a dream, Jace, and sooner or later you're gonna have to wake up.” this was the first time Lissa had used the term 'dying', any previous euphemisms seemed useless to use now. Her cancer was real. Her death approaching was real. There was no more need for sugar-coating.