The Boy and The Psycho

A Light Supper

(The Arrangement from the left of Dad: Dad, Klaus, Diego, Fiona, Five, Allison, Vanya, and Luther)

"Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have, on numerous occasions, called me..."

All of a sudden, Klaus comes and takes his seat with a fresh drink in his hand, "hey, Pop. How's it hangin'?"

"..."Dad." My reconnaissance tells me you're not CIA, not KGB, certainly not MI5, so... who are you?"

We all open our mouths to speak but nothing comes out.

"We're your children. We're from the future. In 1989, you adopted us all and trained us to fight against the end of the world. Called us the Umbrella Academy," Five explains as I sip my alcohol.

"Why on earth would I adopt seven--"

"Eight. One of us isn't here," I correct.

"Dead. One of us is dead," Diego elaborates.

Klaus turns around, "yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Enough of that now."

We all look at him confusingly and he gestures for us to go on.

"Regardless, what would possess me to adopt eight ill-mannered malcontents?" Dad asks.

"We all have special abilities," Five explains.

"Special? In what sense?"

"In the superpower sense," Luther answers.

"Call me old-fashioned, but I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence. Show me," Dad says, turning to Klaus.

"Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden," Allison scoffs.

"We're not circus animals, okay? We're not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement," Luther says.

Out of nowhere, Diego chucks a knife forward and it turns mid-air, flying past Dad's head and sticking into a beam nearby.

Dad jots something down in a journal and we all lean over to see.

"What are you writing?" Diego asks.

"You are zero for two, young man," Dad tells him causing Allison and I to chuckle through our straws.

Diego rushes up out of his chair and Five blinks in time to push him back and I teleport Klaus's drink from his hand into mine.

"Now that is interesting," Dad comments, looking at the both of us.

"All right, uh, quick rundown. Luther: super strength. Klaus can commune with the dead. Fiona has telekinetic abilities. Allison can rumor anyone to do anything," Five begins.

"Except she never uses it," Diego mumbles.

Allison looks up, "I heard a rumor you punched yourself in the face."

I quickly look up to Diego as he punches himself in the face.

"Aah!" He groans and grabs his nose, "damn it!"

I hold back my laughter as I lean over to pull Diego into my chest.

"And you?" Dad turns to Vanya.

"Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run," Luther says, patting Vanya's arm.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea," Klaus adds.

"It's fine. I can handle it," Vanya pipes up.