The Day That Wasn't

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Five and I are sit in the Handler's office finishing our lunch as she slurps up the last of her drink.

"And that's how Phil determined that the archduke just had to go." She sets her cup down at the same time as Five and I.

"Care for dessert?" 

"Oh. No, thanks." I decline politely.

"I had a bad Twinkie in the apocalypse one. It kind of put me off desserts." Five explains.

"Please, indulge me." She smiles and pushes the bowl of candies closer to Five and I.

Five reaches forward and grabs two candies. He sits back and hands me one. We eat them quietly as the Handler lights an obnoxiously long cigarette.

She sits back and takes a drag. "What's that taste like to you, Fiona?" 

I look up at her and scrunch my eyebrows. "It tastes... like... the 1950s?" 

She smiles, "Precisely right. Our clever metaphysics division concocted a way to perfectly distill an entire decade into a single candy. This one's modeled after the Fudge Mutt, America's favorite in 1955."

"Remarkable." Five comments.

"You'll be happy to know it's the very division that's building your new body. Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you."

She presses down the intercom on her desk. "Carla?"

"Yes?" Carla calls over the intercom.

"Would you bring the box in, please?"

"Certainly."

The Handler smiles at Five and gets out of her seat as Carla walks in with a large box. She sets it down on the desk in between Five and I and steps away as the Handler comes over.

The three of us stand up and examine the box. The Handler stands in between Five and I. I start feeling fidgety knowing Five isn't right beside me.

"Go ahead. Open it." She tells him.

He opens the box and reveals a set of new clothes.

"Clothes make the man, Five. Won't it be nice when you can actually wear it? Very soon, I assure you. They're perfecting your body as we speak." She says.

Five looks up at her and I keep examining the clothes in the box.

"Thank you. It's a very kind gift." He closes up the box and turns around. "Is that a Chinese flamethrower?" He asks pointing up at the object on the mantel.

"Good eye." She says smiling. 

Five walks towards the weapon and examines it.

"War. Such a fascinating concept." She stands up and begins walking towards Five. I follow them quietly watching her movements closely.

"A temporary salve for a permanent human flaw. Course, it's a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet." She continues and stands next to Five. 

I walk up to Five and grab his hand locking our fingers together.

She chuckles at her words and my gesture. "These are just some of the things I've collected in my travels. M26 grenades from the Vietnam War. And this, the most noteworthy, perhaps. My Walther pistol." She picks up the pistol and aims it towards Five and I. 

She smiles as my eyes get big and then go back to normal not wanting to show my fear.

"The very one Hitler used to kill himself. We're not supposed to take these kind of things, but... he wasn't gonna use it anymore." She says leaning into Five and I. 

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