Dear Diary, It's Me

Can't Sleep Again

So the infamous Dear Diary,

So...hi again. It's 1:57am, December 6th of 2020, Sunday and I'm laying on the bed. As usual, my bed is on top while my sister's below mine. And as usual I'm wide awake and my sister is snoring below me. My stomach has been aching since the other day and I'm kind of getting worried. I'm already getting the idea that I might have an illness or something like ulcer or whatever. I'm really afraid because I can't move around that much so I can't help with anything in our business. We have a small family business going on here since July of 2020. We sell burgers and fries and a lot of people liked it. The problem is that there's this pandemic so almost everyone is at home. So we have low demands and low sales. Another problem of mine is school. I can't believe that I'm failing. I'm actually a straight A student until online classes happened. I just can't adapt to the new normal cause' I study better when I get to take notes and the university that I go to doesn't gives us that much time. We barely even have the time to re-read the module after the discussion. Another thing happened just earlier this night. I kind of lost control of my emotions and anger. It's so complicated. It's because of my 10 year old sister who keeps looking down on me. She's growing up around me knowing she can just push me around and talk down to me and everyone thinks it's not a big deal when it is to me. It's not just that I'm annoyed or angry about it. It's because it hurts to hear from your sibling the words "You're just my sibling. I don't have to listen to you or follow you." which is a rough translation from tagalog (which is the language of Filipinos) "Ate ka lang naman. Di kita kailangan sundin." And it just not hurts my pride but it hurts that she can just push me around. All of my happiness was drained earlier. I reached for her to squeeze her and make her look into my eyes and tell her that I'm dead serious about how she's straight up disrespecting me but I didn't get the chance since my young and still strong grandmother hugged me. I screamed and screamed so much that my auntie grandma and uncle grandpa came out. I gave out lots of sream of pain. It's been years of routine with me and my sister and she just gets worse even though almost everytime, I let her slip or I let her go or escape with all the disrespecting.
I can't write about this further right now cause' it still hurts a bit and it's kind of exhausting. My back aches and my scalp hurts too. My grandmother grabbed me by my hair cause' she has no choice but to grab me there since that's the first thing she touched. So I'll try to sleep now. Time check: It's 2:15am and I'm still awake. I really need to get some sleep. So bye again... I guess

Sincerely, Sam