Miracle Within My Heart

2. Joshua

"Agh watch it!" I yelled at a man who ran right into me, not paying attention to where he was going while running down the busy street, rushing to anywhere he needed to be.

It's the holidays and I despise them with a passion. They are a useless waste of time, energy, and above all else, money. Buying shit for someone who won't really appreciate it, store it or give it away, also selling or pawning it and that will be the end of that. I see no point in giving anyone anything when they don't deserve it. I have seen with my own eyes how gift giving can bite you in the ass.

"Sorry! Merry Christmas!" He said looking over his shoulder at me as he ran. I huffed and fixed my nice expensive coat and put my black leather gloves on and headed down the street to go into a suit store to see what they have today. I buy a new suit once a week, a full suit from the tie to shoes and socks.

I didn't have shit growing up, my family was poorer than poor. I'm talking mama had to beg on the streets just to get a few dollars a day for some bread and lunch meat so we could have dinner. Thank goodness the school provided breakfast and lunch for free for poor folks, if not I would have starved a lot growing up. It wasn't mama's fault, papa died of cancer when I was a baby, at least that's what she always told me and mama had no family, she had mental issues so she wasn't 'stable' enough to have a job.

Our small three room apartment was cold and damp, had one twin bed for the both of us and our clothes were worn and I didn't get anything new for years, I didn't grow much so I didn't have to worry about growing out of them but kids are so cruel.

I hated school, it was a nightmare since I was bullied for being so poor. People threw food at me, their old clothes and objects at me. I'm ashamed to admit I took some of those items. I needed them and I knew I would get bullied for wearing what they threw at me but I needed better clothes so I could be warm and comfortable, especially at night.

Our bed and blankets were so old, they had lost their warmth and comfort over the years. Mama didn't run the heat and we didn't use much hot water, to save energy from the water heater. I was always cold, nothing I did ever made me warm, even standing in front of the vents in school I was still so cold.

We were homeless a lot, lived on the streets in cardboard boxes in alleys, behind dumpsters to stay out of the cold wind, especially at night. The shelters were a blessing when they had an opening but it was rare, like my happiness. I did love my mama though and never blamed her for our life, it wasn't her fault.

I woke up one morning to mama being colder than usual, only to realize she died in her sleep from catching a cold and had no way to go to the doctor so she would sleep and take baths, to try to get better. That morning my life took a turn for the worse and I swore I would never end up in that situation again.

I worked my ass off in school after she died, I was in ninth grade and I never missed a day or got lower than a ninety eight on my work and tests. I got a scholarship for college and worked my ass off studying so I could graduate at the top of my class.

I dated and fucked around when I was in need to get laid, I didn't want a relationship and whomever I took to bed knew about me and what I was looking for before we ever met. People knew me, knew my name and knew what I wanted. Men and women wanted to be with me and I enjoyed being with both, many times. Sex seemed to be the only thing I did that I didn't need to commit too, it was easy fun for all involved.

When I graduated, I worked at a local company to help them, got them back up on top and worked my way up to the C.E.O of a fortune five hundred company in Pittsburgh PA and I never looked back on my old life and I would rather die than end up how I grew up again.

When I climbed my way to the top, I made sure my mama had a nice headstone and I keep it clean with fresh flowers on it weekly and I have everything I ever dreamed of growing up, scared to lose it all and be back to my old life. People may call me names and think I'm a dick and they would be right but if they had my life growing up, they wouldn't say shit. I didn't get shit handed to me, not one thing was ever easy to get. Do you know people throw away money? Yea money, unbelievable. I saw it myself, people just throwing change on the ground or leaving it for a cashier in a store like it grows on trees.

A difference can be made from one single quarter to a dime for someone who needs a meal and they don't have enough so to see people throw money away, it hurts because I know what it's like to need that dime or quarter to get a meal.

Which brings me to why I loathe the holiday season, again no one really cares and just throws money around for useless gifts and parties, decorations, and a feast. I never had a Christmas growing up, never had experienced the joys of getting a present, the feelings people talk about they feel this time of year.

I feel the same as I do everyday, I see no point in faking feelings or smiles. Mama begged for help, every year so we could have a nice meal and a gift for me but people ignored her pleas and she was too proud to ask for assistance of any kind, she'd rather beg than ask the government for help. It was just who she was.

I'm one of the top three richest men in the world, I own thousands of businesses from fast food restaurants to big corporations, and anything in between. I don't work for myself but for my mama, hoping she is proud of me for making something of myself in my life after the hell we went through for years, for nineteen years and I'm able to breathe a little easier and live life how I want to.

When I was done picking out a light gray suit, I tipped the guy and walked out, he's been my suit guy for years so he knows my tastes and works quickly so he deserves a tip.

I look up at the sky and see the moon is full and the sky is filled with stars, the air is cold and it's making me shiver. I start to walk across the street when it's clear of cars only to see a pair of headlights coming straight towards me. I tried to get out of the way but I didn't make it, the car hit my right side and it threw me over the car, landing on my side in a weird angle.

I don't remember much, I didn't feel pain when I woke up in the back of the ambulance with a guy working on me. He spoke but I was too out of it to hear what he said. I kept going in and out of consciousness and the last time I woke up, I was in a room, cold and alone.

Like my life, and I prefer it that way.