Miracle Within My Heart

10. Joshua

Tree and how it's decorated ^^ top!

I had to get out of there, it was feeling way too good and domesticated for me so soon. Having dinner, drinking wine, cuddling up watching a movie and how we ended up on the couch with Noah looking at me like I'd do no wrong, it became too much so I left. I'm not used to it, not used to being like that with anyone, being that comfortable so quickly after meeting someone.

Noah is amazing, he is perfect so it isn't anything he did, it's how I feel. I haven't felt this way about anyone ever so it's scary to feel vulnerable and open myself up intimately to someone. Talking about not taking him to bed until we were both ready isn't the same thing.

When I made it to my cold and empty penthouse, I hated it. I hate it every time I come home since I met Noah. He has brought so much joy and color to my life that being home feels like I'm in a black and white TV show when the rest of the world is in color. My phone's notification went off and it was a text from Noah.

"Joshua I'm sorry if I had done something or said something to make you leave like that. Whatever it was I won't do it again, just please don't ignore me and cut me out of your life for something I don't understand I did. I hope to hear from you soon." I sighed, of course he would think it's his fault. I didn't reply, I can't tell him why yet when I don't fully understand it myself so I went to take a shower and got into bed, a cold lonely big bed in my cold lonely penthouse.

The next morning I got up and since it's Sunday, I made breakfast myself and decided I needed to change the way my home feels so I got dressed in jeans, sweater, and boots, got my coat on and gloves and left.

"Hey David, are you and your girls busy today?" I called the one person who I actually like talking to and could hear giggles in the background.

"Well no, not really, why what's up?"

"Well I was wanting to go get some Christmas decorations and a tree, and some other things and wanted to see if you three wanted to go with me." This is new, I never ask to go out especially for Christmas shopping but Noah has changed me.

"Sure we'd love to, meet you outside in ten." He lived a few floors down from me so with an ok we hung up and I went to my texts to reply to Noah.

"It wasn't you, I promise Noah, you have been perfect. I just needed to get out of there because of how I was feeling and no it wasn't sexual even though I was turned on, it's complicated to explain but it wasn't you, I promise." I hit send and hoped he understood to a degree.

I went down to the lobby and I saw David with his two girls waiting on me. When they saw me, they stood up straight and looked stiff.

"You can relax girls, I'm not a monster." I chuckled and they looked up at me and smiled.

"Well we know that, it's just you usually don't talk to anyone and always look like you're in a bad mood." Anna said, she's the oldest at fifteen and Andi, she's thirteen and they look like they could be twins with their long brown wavy hair and big blue eyes with freckles dusting their rosy cheeks and a few on their noses.

"Anna, don't be disrespectful to Mr. Bexley." David warned and she slumped her shoulders and sighed.

"It's alright David, she's right but I'm trying to change to be better Anna so it's ok." I assured the girl and she smiled and stuck her tongue out at David.

"Ok so where are we going?" Andi asked and Anna looked at her and they nodded like they had an idea.

"There's the mall and they have one huge section for just Christmas and the tree lot is next to it so we can go find a tree and go get the stuff for it and whatever else after you choose the tree because you have to have a visual of how you want it decorated before you buy anything." Anna said and that made sense so we piled into the red SUV and I drove this time. David isn't on the clock, this is a social thing so he shouldn't work if he doesn't have to.