Is This Happiness? [DJS]

CHAPTER 3: Affirming the Worst

        The sound of my name echoes blandly through my head, and I sat there for a moment before I realized what had happened. I quickly look up, meet eyes with a friendly-looking nurse at the door, and stand up to follow her blindly. She leads me into this baby-blue room down the hall, and has me sit down on an examining table up against a wall. 

        "Wait here for a moment. Dr. Khan will be right with you."

        I smile and nod a "thank you", and she closes the door on her way out. On the walls were posters of babies in the womb, of a woman's body and anatomy. The more I looked at the pictures of the pregnant ladies and unborn babies, the more nervous I got. Both of my knees were bouncing up and down and I was unconsciously chewing on my nails. A knock on the door snapped me out of the weird trance, and I look up to see a woman with the standard doctor apparel—a blue shirt, white coat and pants—strut inside. 

        "Hi, Emery! My name is Dr. Khan. The chart says you're here for a ultrasound, correct?" she smiled kindly at me, running the tip of her pen down her clipboard.

        "Y-yes. I-I just want to confirm whether or not I was pregnant. O-or not."

        "Ah, I see. This shouldn't take long then." She turned to the small mini-kitchen sink across from me to wash her hands before donning a pair of green latex gloves. "Please lay down for me, flat on your back, and lift your shirt up a bit." 

        I did as she said. 

        "Okay, I'm going to put this gel on your tummy, and it might be a tiny bit cold." 

        She squirted the VERY cold gel on my stomach and rubbed it around a bit before she took up the probe. She ran it along different sides of my stomach, pushing hard on some parts, and I felt super awkward as I saw a ghostly smile whisk across her face. 

        "You're indeed pregnant, Miss Emery. You look about... five weeks along." I sighed and fluttered my eyes as I slumped my head and shoulders onto the table. 

        She more than noticed. "As a obstetrics and gynecology doctor—a doctor who cares for women during pregnancy and childbirth—it's my job to guide you and make sure you make decisions that are healthy for both you and your baby. Please do consider your options, and give us a call once you decide." she said kindly and handed me a couple pamphlets as I sat up. "But for now, I will put a prescription in for some prenatal vitamins." 

        She walked me through what to expect. And all I can say is that I was NOT looking forward to it. Constant nausea and vomiting? Stomach cramps? Back pain? Extreme fatigue? I didn't even want to be pregnant in the first place. A part of me wanted to blame the guy I had that one night stand with, but the other part of me knew this happening was my own fault. Maybe it was the pregnancy or was how nervous I was, but the contents in my stomach started churning and I felt as if I was going to throw up EVERYTHING I had eaten in the past week. 

        I quickly excused myself and ran outside to take a big gulp of fresh air, trying desperately not to yak in front of all the other moms. I sat on the outdoor bench, one hand clutching my stomach and the other clasping my face. A few women pass by my bench on their way inside, each glancing at me with empathy written across their faces. 

        I look up once from the ground and meet gazes with a middle-aged woman. 

        Her eyes are full of pity. 

        Dr. Khan comes jogging outside holding the pamphlets, but as she saw me hunched over on the bench, she abruptly stopped in her tracks.

        "Hey... here's your papers, you left them." she sat beside me and rubbed my back.

        "Th-thanks... I'm-I'm sorry I just... I don't feel too good right now."

        "That's fine, and... it's a normal reaction. Go home and rest up. Walgreens should call you when your prescription is ready." she smiled as I turned my head and and sat back up. 

        I smiled gratefully and nodded as I took the papers and walked to my car.

~~~~~~~~

        I get home still feeling a bit woozy and dazed, but I know exactly what I have to do. If I were a father of a soon-to-be-born baby, I would want to know. 

        I would deserve to know. 

        I trudged into my bedroom and went to the pile of phone numbers. His was the first one. I nervously typed in the number and pressed the dial button. One ring... two ring... 

        A raspy, sleepy voice answered. "Hello..?"

        I quickly and nervously responded. "Oh uh, hi... I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

        "Uh yeah... but, I'm awake now anyways. Who is this?"

        He didn't remember. 

        "Uhm... it's–er, I'm Emery. The girl that you uh–"

        "Oooh, hi! I was hoping you would call back, I had a lot of fun that night..."

        "Yea, I-I... I did too." my voice trailed off as I shifting my weight from one foot to another. 

        "Before I tell you this... what's your name again?"

        "Oh hahaha, it's Daniel Seavey."

        "Nice to meet you Daniel Seavey... again. So uh... basically I'm-I'm calling you under some un-unfortunate circumstances."

        "Oh? Unless being handsome is a crime, I can't imagine anything bad that I'm involved with." he chuckled at his failed attempt of a humorous joke. 

        "Well uh... uhm... you see... augh." I stuttered like crazy, but I had to get the words out. "I'm pregnant and I'm almost a hundred percent sure it's yours." I blurted out. 

        It was silent for what sounded like an eternity. 

        "How... how do you know?" he hissed, his voice sounding bitter and icy. 

        I sighed, and as he heard that he responded. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so aggressive, but are you sure? Like sure sure?"

        "Yeah... I am. You're the only one it could really be... and I'm sorry."

        "No... don't–... don't apologize. It's not your fault."

        "This is... a lot to talk about over the phone. Could we maybe meet up somewhere?"

        "Oh sure! Er... uh, could we actually meet up at my place? I can come pick you and up and stuff. I-I just don't think it's best to meet in public." I sat there wondering why we couldn't meet at a Starbucks or something, but agreed nonetheless. 

        "Tomorrow at two work for you?"

        "Yeah, it should I guess. I'll send you my address. Talk to you tomorrow."

        "Yup, see you soon." and with that I hung up. 

        That didn't go terribly... it actually went surprisingly well. I sat on my couch, hugging a faux fur pillow and soaking up everything that just happened. What really just happened? I just... I just talked to a guy that wasn't a complete jerk. 

        Well then. Let's hope he isn't secretly a serial killer, or my gravestone's gonna say "killed by desperation".

        I grimaced at the thought and reached for my TV remote.