I Want to be Your First Choice, Harry Potter

Chapter Twenty

I have it all planned out. I just don't know if I will go through with it. I really shouldn't, but I want to, really bad. I could put it into his hot chocolate one night in the common room, it'll be easy. Why is it so easy? I know Harry very well to know that if he really did think those things it might take months for him to finally tell me. I can't wait; I need to know now. I'll do it tonight.

Today I was very awkward every time I saw Harry because I didn't want to spoil that I will be using the Veritaserum on him later. I feel so guilty but I can't be left not knowing if our friendship is worth it.

It's about ten minutes before I am supposed to do it. I feel sick, but I have already made my decision. I grab two hot chocolates from the kitchen then get the small vile out. I stare at the liquid as it pours into one of the mugs. I have to make sure I give him the right one. I have to give him the white mug, not the red one.

I head up to the common room and see him sitting there, so clueless. I hand him the white mug.

"Thanks." He says. He doesn't take a sip yet.

"So do you think we're all good now, as in our friendship?" I ask.

"Oh yeah definitely!" He says with a big smile. He takes a sip. I have to do it.

"Harry, the other day," I begin. I hesitate to keep going. He fills the silence.

"Yes?" He asks, making me have to go on.

Come on I just have to spit it out! It's not that hard, just ask him the question and then I'll have my answer and either we will be ok... or not so ok. I didn't really think about the latter all that much. I can't do this.

"Harry, you need to leave." I say quickly.

"What? Why?" He asks.

"Because," I hesitate. "Because the Veritaserum is in your drink and I can't ask you any questions or you'll be forced to answer them truthfully and I'm a terrible person. You deserve someone else as your best friend, someone less selfish." I say. He looks at me and thinks about what to say.

"Wow." He sounds disappointed. It crushes my heart but I deserve that. "I don't know what to say to that." He says. "Well what were you planning on doing with it?" He asks.

"I was worried that you lied to me about not meaning the things you said during our argument and I was going to ask you once you were under the potion, but I realized how horrible I am for that. I'm so so sorry, Harry please don't hate me if you do I get it but I don't know what I would do without you." I say trying not to cry because I know I could lose him. All of the progress I've made trying to get him to notice me as more than a friend could simply go down the drain.

"Do it." He starts "Ask me." He says. I'm in utter shock at the words that came out of his mouth.

"Really?" I ask. He answers me almost immediately.

"Yes." He says. The words sound forced out. It's the potion working.

"I can't, I need it to come from you, not a potion." I say.

"Ok you don't have to, I just wanted to prove it was the truth." He says. He just gave me permission to do it but I still fear he will judge my character if I do it.

"I'm going to do it." I say cautiously.

"If you're going to do it just do it before you run out of time." He says.

"Ok." I say. I only have a few more minutes before it wears off. "Harry, did you actually mean what you said during our argument?" I ask. I feel horribly guilty after asking him but my thoughts are cut off by his quick answer.

"No, of course not Gab I was angry for no reason and I was being a git. You're brilliant and I wish I could have the brain capacity to study and retain all of the knowledge you do." He says. It's refreshing to hear him speak so nicely of me. I wrap my arms around him tightly. He doesn't hesitate to hug me back. "See I told you." He says.

"Sorry again." I say. I still feel terrible for using the potion.

"Gab, I would have done the same thing to you. No actually, I wouldn't."  He says.

"Oh, are you mad?" My hand flies over my mouth right after I ask him.

"No, not at all." He says quickly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." I say. He laughs and reassures me that it's fine. Probably an hour goes by of us just talking about random things. It's late and we should probably go to bed now but neither of us are very tired. We stay up for a few more hours enjoying each other's company.

At about 3:00 in the morning we decide that it's way past time we should still be awake. We start to get up, I turn around to see what looks like a dementor. I rub my eyes in disbelief, I thought that they wouldn't come back to Hogwarts after what happened in third year. It comes closer to me and I freeze. All of the time I've spent studying and gaining knowledge and my mind goes blank when I need it. Harry jumps in front of me and casts Expecto Patronum. After it goes away I am a little shaken up by what just happened. I'm not so much afraid of the dementor as I am afraid that if I was put into a situation like that again I would freeze again. Some Gryffindor I am.
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