Blood Floweret

« Chapter Twelve »

She was running. 

After catching one of the warriors to find out the direction Cassius went, she went after him. She had been pushing him away, creating distance between them, but she was ready to close it. She was ready to try and become better. She was ready to let go of her anger. She was ready to grow. 

She didn't shift, she didn't need to. She ran through the woodline and she saw him. He was walking with a group of young trainees. No doubt heading for the training field which wasn't far. She called his name and he instantly stopped. She ignored the stares of the others and she ran into the awaiting arms of her mate. 

"Val, is everything okay?" Cassius asked, supporting her weight as she panted, and his attention flickered to the warriors briefly as he said, "Go ahead, I'll catch up." Only after a few moments, they stood alone in the forest. He asked again, "What's going on, love? Are you hurt?" He examined her for injuries. 

She shook her head and swallowed. Something was fluttering in her chest, like a butterfly ready to spread its wings and take flight. She had to let it out. She couldn't keep it locked up within her ribs anymore, it was too beautiful to hide in the dark. 

"I felt it," She said breathlessly, standing before him.

"Felt what, love?" He quirked an eyebrow. 

"That feeling," She struggled to think of how to explain it, "It's like...when you know you have a choice to make or its the right time to change. I just saw them in the kitchen, my old pack, and I thought about what you said and what everyone else has told me...and I just stopped thinking about my anger for a second. It made me feel...different." 

Cassius almost breathed an entire lungful of relief, "Oh, thank god. I've been waiting for you to reach this point but I was beginning to worry about how long it would take. I know you haven't been sleeping well either," He winked when she stared, baffled, "You can't fool me."

"So," She began, feeling a little awkward, "What do I do? I want to take the next step." 

"Well, my little valor," He grinned, knowing exactly what she meant, and he took her hands in his, "I believe it's time for you to forgive--that's the next step. You've come this far by yourself and the decision is totally up to you, but I promise you will not regret it." 

She thought about it. She had heard that word many times before. Forgive. Fabian had told her the very same thing. Had he found forgiveness in his heart? Was that what he was trying to tell her? Of course, she never believed him, and she hated the idea of it. She thought forgiveness was too easy, it just let others get away with their actions, it let them win...but maybe she had misunderstood this whole time. Reeve and West had forgiven, they had found strength and peace, and she was inspired by them. She needed to take the next step.

She had to step out of her comfort zone, into the unknown, because she couldn't be scared any longer. She was tired of fighting, tired of running, and especially tired of being locked into the same loop of emotional pain. 

She swallowed, "How does it feel?" She inwardly cringed, would it bring more pain?

"I can't really explain the feeling," Cassius thought for a moment, "But it's just like the weight of the world is lifted from your chest and you can breathe for the first time. By forgiving, you accept yourself and all of your flaws and the things you cannot change. You make the choice to heal from things out of your control and wear your past as warpaint because you survived, and you can be so goddamn proud of it."

"Have you done it?" 

"Of course, I have, silly," He gently poked her nose, "I wouldn't be here without forgiveness, it gave me the strength to be who I am today."

"How do--did you...do it? Do I have to tell them?" She cringed at that thought. 

Cassius chuckled, softly, "No, love. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you. You accept who they are, and they may never change, but they can no longer change you. They can't hurt you anymore because your kindness becomes your armor. All in all, it's about accepting you for you and who you become in the process. That's the sweetness of forgiveness, it gives you undying peace." 

She listened intently. She wanted that. She needed that so bad. Her soul had been restless for too long, her tears never-ending, and she was ready to forgive herself. For all the mistakes she made. For the person she had become out of anger. For the judgment she had passed on herself. For every lie she ever told herself. She was ready to accept it all as a part of her and move on. 

She hardly breathed, "How?" 

"When the moment feels right, you close your eyes and you say it. In your heart. With all the honesty you can muster and then you believe it. You let go of your feelings towards others who hurt you, think of it like water running through your fingertips, and you accept that they are who they are. And you accept yourself. Especially focus on yourself and everything you feel and then let it go." 

"How will I know?" She asked, "How will I know it worked?" 

"You just will," He smiled, it was breathtakingly soft, "It's indescribable."

She nodded. 

He gently grasped her chin, "So you will try?" 

Keep trying. 

Move on. 

She nodded once more, gazing into his eyes. He leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. She was intoxicated by him. He was like her breath of fresh air and she felt like she couldn't breathe without him. He was there, every step of the way, and he was always waiting for her. He trusted her to come around and his advice was from personal experience. She didn't have to be afraid of this change, she could embrace it. 

"I trust you." She whispered without even realizing it. Her own breath caught, had she just said that? 

Cassius grinned, his green eyes swelling with emotion. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. She didn't regret her words, it was the truth from the very depths of her heart. He pulled her close to him and rested his forehead against hers. His exuberance and happiness was almost like electricity sparking over her skin, she felt it like rain on a warm summer day, and she relished in it. He was infecting her with his contagious joy. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, he had been breaking down her walls ever since they had met. One by one, day by day, and soon there would be nothing left. She wasn't scared, she was ready to let go of this agonizing pain and allow someone to grow closer than ever before. Who better than her loving, patient mate? He was perfect in every sense to her. This was the best decision she had ever made in her entire life. She truly did trust him, most likely from day one, and it felt better to speak it out loud, to admit it with passion.

And for just a small moment, the corners of her lips quirked. 

♦          ♦          ♦         ♦         ♦        ♦

Let's goooooooo! 

My baby has come so far and she's becoming so strong! I'm so proud. The dynamics of their relationship is just so... intoxicating. I absolutely love writing it. I've definitely never written such conflict before but this is just phenomenal! 

Their ship name shall be Vascal... it has a lot of sentimental meaning to me and I wholeheartedly thank my lovely reader who suggested it. Are there any objections?

Oh, and I'm describing how I forgave from my own perspective, so it might be different for others. You might say it out loud or to the person who hurt you. Whatever feels right for you. You do you <3