Blood Floweret

« Chapter Ten »

She had taken Reeve's advice. 

Although, not in the most appropriate manner, she was avoiding sleep as she wandered the halls. Her mind was tied up in thoughts, as she tried to reflect on her past, and she wasn't even watching where she was walking. It was almost like she was sleepwalking. She replayed Reeve's words over in her mind, almost memorizing every word, and she tried to make sense of it. She tried to see her past in something other than disgust. 

She tried to think about her past in a positive light, as something that was beneficial to the person she was becoming, but every time her heart jerked with anguish and she was forced to collect herself before bad memories could surface. Reeve hadn't mentioned how to overcome this fear, she felt hopeless again. 

There were so many variables that came into play, it wasn't just one easy shot and then it was all over. She had a lot of pent up grief and it didn't help when everything seemed like a trigger, especially the memories whenever her mind wandered. She had grown so used to the dark as her only companion, it seemed like the safest place to fight her battles, hidden from prying eyes. She felt slightly bad for leaving Cassius but he was exhausted. 

He had been staying up with her, offering comfort and support, and she felt slightly bad that she was the cause of his sleep deprivation. Her intention was never to harm him or become a burden to him. He had been trying so hard to help her and she was still trying to learn that she didn't need to shut people out when she was hurt. She just had all these words of advice inside of her head and she was trying to string them into a single sentence to act upon. Something to guide her through this dark. 

Because it didn't matter how much people talked or how much advice people offered, she needed to believe it herself. She needed to figure it out herself and find her own path because each path of healing is different. Some people need a shove, some people need to hit rock bottom, some people just get lost, and some people come through it like second instinct. She didn't know where she stood. Her hands were reaching in the dark for something. Anything. 

Suddenly, she bumped into someone. She breathlessly let out a small scream, startled, and her arms braced for impact as she lost her balance. A firm hand wrapped around her forearm and kept her upright. She instinctually shook off the hand, she only felt comfortable with Cassius' touch, and her eyes widened when she took in the male before her. 

"Are you alright?" He asked. 

His voice was gruff, his eyes icy, and she shivered. Something about him made her like a frightened deer. He felt dangerous. She was still trying to cope with her unconscious fear of men, which was why she was avoiding so many of the warriors. She tried her hardest not to flinch when someone raised a hand too quickly and it was getting better, but this was one of those moments her mind went into overdrive. 

He exhaled, roughly, "Relax, I'm not gonna do anything." Hands raising slightly in a gesture of meaning no harm and she observed his every movement with wide eyes. 

"What do you want?" She rushed out, her heart beating quickly. 

He raised an unimpressed eyebrow, "You're the one who bumped into me." 

"Oh." 

"What are you doing up at this hour?" 

She cringed, unable to meet his eyes because he scared her, but she remembered that she needed to provide verbal responses, so she said, "Thinking." 

He was silent for a long moment, she could feel his dark eyes analyzing her, and her skin burned with familiar memories. She hated this and yet she didn't know what to do. She tried to tell herself that she wasn't there anymore, she didn't need to be afraid, but it was such an instinctual response and nobody had set her off like this. Like a trigger waiting to be pulled, she would go off without a blink.