The Drunken Fling

Dem Gosh Darn Hillbillies

Five minutes, ten minutes, thirty minutes, two hours of just nothing. 
Utter boredom.
Literally nothing to do. 
It was excruciating. 
Until there was a quiet knock at the office door and in steps Stolas with a guilty look on his face.

"Who the fuck let you in?!"  Blitzo shouted while standing up from his chair.

"I just wanted to talk."  Stolas took a few steps closer, reaching his hand out.

Blitzo slapped it away.
"You had your chance you bird bitch!"

"I'm sure we can work this out Blitzy~"  Stolas sat on his desk, crossing his legs.
"Wait.  What is that? On your arm."

Blitzo shoved his arm behind his back.
"Nothing!  It's none of your business!"

"So what is it, nothing or none of my business?"

"It's nothing you cum collector!"

"It looked like a phone number.. are you seeing someone else Blitzy?!"  He gasped.

"No, I am not!  And we were never even seeing each other!"

"We could have!  We could have been so much more!"  Stolas sobbed.

"Alright, alright, that's enough. You're getting tears on my new carpet."  Blitzo said as he pushed Stolas out of his office.

He closed the door behind him and let out a relieved sigh.  
After a few minutes of Blitzo contemplating all of his life choices the phone rings at the front desk.
Loona was hungover from the night before so she skipped the day. As a result Millie was the day's receptionist; that of which she was very enthusiastic about.

"Immediate Murder Professionals, you hate em', we'll assassinate em'.  Millie speaking."

Blitzo tiredly walked out of his office.
"Well fuck, since when do we have a slogan?"

"Since today! I made it up about an hour ago." Millie beamed, looking pretty proud of herself.

Blitzo gave Millie encouraging finger guns.
"That's fucking genius."

She smiled. "Thanks sir!"

* * *

"Dem gosh darn hillbillies idn'd y'anto go up'ta Big win'er an' dem dickers won' ev'n squeet fix'n cause dem bitches were hirav!"   Their Texan Client ranted. 

"I have no clue what he just said."  Blitzo whisper to Moxxie.

"Me either.  Just get the address of whoever we have to take out."

"Alright alright, I got it.  
Ehem, Why don't you, slowly, tell us where these, uh, "hillbillies" live?"

"Uhh..  D'ey live in a barn up in Tex's."

Blitzo's eyes lit up.
"A-a barn?!  S-so does that mean there are horses?!"

"It's fuckin'  Tex's, e'rybody got horses there!"

A high pitched gasp of joy left Blitzo's mouth; it was ungodly.  But then again they are in hell.

He heard a buzzing in his pocket. 
He took out his phone and slapped his forehead when he read the screen.
"Heh heh, excuse me."  Blitzo stepped off to the side.  "The fuck do you want Stolas?"

"I was hoping to have a chat~"

"And I was hoping you could take hint dumbass!"

"Why don't you just give me a chance?!"  Stolas cried.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW YOURSELF OFF OF A FUCKING CLIFF!! 
Ehem, sorry about that." 
Blitzo hung up the phone and jumped back into the (difficult) conversation.
"Anyway, back to what we were saying before.  We'll get right on killing those.. uh.. thing you said before."

* * *

"Alright Mox, you've fucked up literally every mission we've ever been on so yeah, don't fuck up this time."

Moxxie made a straight face.  "Will do boss."

"Don't worry Moxxie! I believe in you!"  Millie smiled and hugged him. 

No more than five seconds later Blitzo was in on the hug too.
"Aww you guys are so adorable!!"

"Um, yeah. Thanks sir."  Mox rubbed his arm awkwardly.

"Okay team, let's get our shit together because you are not, I repeat not embarrassing me in front of the horses!" Blitzo instructed, subtly gesturing to Moxxie in particular.
Mox crossed his arms in annoyance and followed his boss too a stable.
"Um, why don't you take this one Mills? I'll, uh, scope out the stables."

Millie cheered.

"Oh come on, you're not going to "scope out the stables", you just needed an excuse to play with the horses!" Moxxie pointed out.

"You are absolutely correct. Boop." Blitzo tapped Moxxie's nose and ran off.
Mox sighed and pinched between his eyes.

"Don't look so down sweetie! We're in charge today! It'll be fun, trust me!"

* * *

Just as Blitzo was about to pet a large multi-colored horse apparently named Bandit, (that was a stupid name.) he was interrupted by his phone ringing.
Again the name Stolas popped up.

Blitzo groaned.
"What is it this time?"

"I was wondering if you were free tonight.. I could make us a nice dinner.
And then afterwards we can have... "dessert~"."

Blitzo shuttered in disgust. "No, nope. Not free. I- uh, have plans with... someone."

"Oh.. I see... Your loss I suppose. We could have ****** and you'd **** on my feathery **** while you *** as I ***** my **** further up your ******* — "
Blitzo hung up and launched his phone across the field.

"Why? Why the fuck do I keep picking up?"

"Boss!!"  Blitzo heard Moxxie yell.  He turned to see Millie and Moxxie getting shot up by what was supposed to be their victims.

"Again Moxxie?  You realize this happened twice already?!"  He scolded.

"Sir!  Now is not the time to be pointing fingers!"  Moxxie yelled back.    "What are we gonna do?!"

"I don't fucking know!  Get on a horse and start shooting!"

"I've never ridden a horse before!" 

"Better figure it out quick then Mox!"  Blitzo jumped on one of the stallions, taking out his gun.

Shots were fired left and right. 
You'd really think they're be better at their jobs by now..
Finally the trio's targets were eliminated.

Walking back into the office, Moxxie and Millie  tried not to meet Blitzo's eyes.

"This has been the worst day ever!!  First I wake up in some random guy's bed, then Stolas just has to keep pissing me off, then the barista messes up my fucking coffee, our client is a complete dumbass, we almost fail our mission,  and worst of all I didn't even get to keep a horse in the process!"  Blitzo cried.

Millie and Moxxie didn't really know what do do so they awkwardly patted him on the shoulders.

"Thanks guys."  He smiled.  "I gotta make a quick phone call then I'll start heading out."

A/N: I literally just looked up "Texan Slang" and put a bunch of words together to make the "Texan Client's" lines lol
If you "translate it"(I guess), it'll say something about not going out to eat because they're vegans.. yeah idk haha