The Impossibilities of Us

Chapter 14

The rest of the short drive was filled with very uncomfortable silence and me holding back my tears. I tend to cry or tear up easily which is a habit I really hate with all my heart.

As soon as I parked the car in the garage, I speed walked out of the car and locked it as soon as I saw Daniel get out.

Auntie Linda was still on the couch watching a movie and she asked me a question but I wasn't paying attention to any word she said as I speed walked as fast as I could into my room.

I threw my keys onto my dresser and plopped myself onto the bed.

And that's when the tears were let out. I poured it all out and I really wished that I cried myself to sleep because I was still very tired. Reminder, I still haven't slept.

Yet, my mind and body are still not letting me go to sleep.

So I decide to go to a place I haven't been to in a while.

I let my mom know that I was going there and she agreed.

It was about 12:00 P.M. right now. As I exited the house door, I looked up to the and it was an ominous grey, so it will most likely rain or drizzle but I don't care right now.

Because I find the need to go there.

I had a raincoat on me just in case if anything, so I'd be fine.

It took about 10 minutes to get to the cemetery and as I entered through the gates, my heartbeat quickened.

There were only a few people here visiting their loved ones, so I wasn't alone here. This cemetery was big but not huge. If that even makes any sense.

I went to his grave and laying on it was fresh flowers that look just about two days old. Mom or Tommy probably visited him yesterday or the day before.

I don't really get scared about being in cemeteries because I used to always go here. I stopped going here since the last time I had a panic attack. I would get mad at myself for not coming here for a long time, but I just couldn't bring myself to come here.

I sit on the dry grass.

It still surprisingly hasn't rained which I'm very glad for, but the clouds were still very grey.

I look down to his grave and I started to sob.

"Hey Aaron. Long time no see," I say quietly as sobs were still escaping.

"I miss you Ronnie. So much. I am so so so sorry for not visiting for a while. And I'm so sorry for what I've done. This is all my fault and I deeply regret it. This wouldn't have happened if I just listened to what you said. But I made the stupidest decision of my life which was not listening to you. And it ended up killing you. I don't know if you forgive me or not, but just know that I love you Aaron. And I'm deeply sorry." I pause for a couple of seconds to control my sobs a little.

"I finally came here after a while because I felt that this is the time I need you. I could talk to Tommy, but I just don't feel like he would've given me talks like you always used to," I put a tiny little smile on my face.

After a couple of minutes of crying and sobbing, I finally said goodbye and went home.

On the way home, I had come to a decision to always visit him now and to not stop myself from going there. I don't care anymore if something would happen like the last time I came there, beside from today.

I could care less if I get a panic attack if something like the last time would happen again. All I care about is visiting Aaron from now on.

By the time I went home, it was lunch time and everyone was in the living room. Since the only staircase was in the living room, I'd have to pass by them including Daniel. I'm honestly surprised that Daniel and Lachlan were in the same room and not yelling at each other.