The Impossibilities of Us

Chapter 9

I didn't go home.

Instead, I stayed at the hotel at the pool downstairs. It was the only place that had no people in aside from the bathroom or parking lot which I didn't want to go to. I'm honestly surprised that I managed to come here without experiencing anxiety or something.

I have been here for about 25 minutes already just deep into my thoughts.

I made sure I was as far away from the pool. Pools, oceans, piers, or everything just the slightest similar to them, I was afraid of. I was at least 50 feet away from the pool, and any closer then I don't know what would happen. I made sure I was facing the other way from the pool because just looking into them would give me really bad anxiety no matter how far it is away from me.

It's my PTSD. A lot of people I know already know about my PTSD. Like Riv, my mom of course, Tommy, Johnny, Lachlan, Tori, and doctors and therapist obviously. They also know what had happened to cause it.

I told Riv that she could tell Lachlan about it because I really didn't mind and Tori found out a year after I met her.

I remember that there was this field trip in fifth grade and that was how I met Tori. The teacher had asked the whole class who wanted to come to the field trip and Tori noticed that I didn't raise my hand. We had lunch after that, so she came up to my lonely ass and asked why I didn't want to go. I didn't immediately tell her that I had PTSD because I didn't know her much back then, so I told her that I couldn't stand to be in waterparks and she just said 'okay'.

Later on, I found out that she didn't go to the waterpark even though I knew she wanted to so badly. She didn't go because I didn't and she just stayed with me the whole day at school while everyone else was out having fun. That was when I knew that we were going to be the bestest of friends. She then introduced me to Pamela, who she said that she knew since 3rd grade, so that was the start of our trio.

A year passed by after the waterpark thing and I finally told Tori because I knew I could trust her. I never told Pamela because even though we were very good friends, we weren't ever as close as Tori and I.

Sometimes I don't even go to sleep because I have nightmares of people and events that I hate having nightmares of. There were also times where I had panic attacks in the middle of the night because of these nightmares. Not just during my nightmares did I have panic attacks, but I had it at some other random times too.

Yes, I have a therapist, who I haven't gone to for about almost a year now. The last time I went to my therapist was about a month after the last time I had a panic attack, which was about almost ten months ago. I haven't gone to therapy since then because I hadn't got any other panic attacks. I didn't want my mom spending much money on sessions, so I stopped going since I didn't have any other attacks. Although the panic attacks were gone, the nightmares were still present.

Nightmares about that day. That day that changed almost everything. And other days that I hate being reminded of.

I never told my mom or therapist about these nightmares because I don't want my mom to send me back to therapy because of financial issues. My mom told me to keep going to sessions even though I didn't have much happening with me, but I kept refusing.

My family wasn't that wealthy. We have a very nice house and all, but that was thanks to my dad.

When he left, my mom had trouble with the house bills. So a while after therapy, I didn't want her using extra money for sessions , so I lied about the nightmares and said that I don't have them anymore.

My PTSD wasn't that bad anymore though. I didn't have anxiety attacks and nightmares were slowly lessening.

My thoughts were distracted by a door opening right beside me revealing a very smelly and stumbly Daniel. He reeked of alcohol and I just know that he has gotten drunk.