The Goldfinch (Fanfic)

I - Chapter 8 "To Be or Not to Be"

I

When the big day came, I wasn't so much excited like it used to be, I meant who would be excited on facing bunch of elitists who didn't know what to do with their money? like they would gamble the way out and sometimes throw some few grands for a cause that made them feel good.

Nonetheless it wasn't so bad, we took the early morning trip with all the choirs members, three teachers who served as guardians and along with Mr. Tim, our beloved choral director who looked stress as hell. We went to performed in a hotel and basically stay there the whole night, it was located near extra wide golf club which lay facing the dessert but not far away west from downtown Vegas and I reckoned it was close to the red canyon.

As for the repertoire it went great, like usual charity events we were briefly mentioned after master of ceremonies welcomed all the guests, and then suddenly we were on the stage doing what was unexpected of us, starting the program with a prayer and singing the "Amazing Grace" like the Soweto Gospel Choir, wow just wow, It was as if Mr. Tim and the entire crew was trolling those rich heathens who were shocked. They never expected a welcoming song as a doxology, a prayer song. But nonetheless our voices keep soaring like angels high up the heavens, a beacon of light. I saw some people in the front who were teary eyed, I didn't even expect it amid the their glittering jewelries, thousand dollar suits and Machiavellian smile. I realized that they were humans after all, touched by spirituality and which caters beyond those material things that failed to fill the emptiness of the vessel we called life.

Then during the small break we performed two more songs, the last was "Kruhay" and everybody jump out of their sit when the last note drop, I could hear the rattle of their jewelries as they applauded.

II

Then after that we waved goodbye and went out, we'd still had plenty of time and Mr. Tim divided us among the teachers to be the guardian, then we were free to explore the city. I was with Mich, Catherine, Kate, Simon and among others whom I felt comfortable with.

We started near the Neon Museum and hike towards Carson Avenue, our teacher saw to it that we passed the Fremont Street Experience, an open air mall traversing from Golden Gate hotel, it was hell of an experience, good old Vegas certainly lived up to its name. Above the led canopies were people in zip lines, smiling and shouting, the mixture of lights and colors, drifting one by one, mixing and dispersing into oblivion then flashing back again unflinching like dropping acid. Everyone and everything was there... the street entertainers, the kiosks, the beat of the drums, the hot girls, transitory ultra expensive cars... inciting everyone to dived and indulged. Walking among us were people of ages, from noisy teens, couples with selfie sticks, desperate horny sad old men looking forward to what the sin city has to offer.

We ate some tacos, and before we knew it was half past 9, and our teacher said it's time to head back to our hotel.

As we were wandering throughout the streets, it caught my attention the posting about Las Vegas Symphony Orchestra 200th anniversary concerts, and it said one of it's performance would be the Rachmaninoff's Symphony no. 2. In a sudden flip I remember that was the music piece that Boris mentioned, and that he would listen to it when he missed his Russian homeland. So guess what Russian music in Vegas eh?, I thought as I imitated Boris's accent in my mind.

III

"So we will be roommates tonight?" Simon interjected while on the way to the hotel.

"Yeah, I guess so, don't worry I don't snore" I said with smile as I was in a good mood, the Vegas vibes somehow lifted my spirits.

I didn't know why, maybe for budgetary reasons but we were assigned in a two per person rooms, I understood that it would be uneconomical if each of us has it's own rooms in the inn, it was satisfactory considering that we would be for only one night. And my roommate was Simon, he seemed a nice boy with a shining face, tall, ash dark haired but strangely enough had deep green eyes. He appeared to be friendly and I was surprised we didn't get to know each earlier on during the course of the glee club practice, probably because he looked younger than me so normally he hangs out with lower years.

We brushed our teeth, tucked in each other's bed while the lights was still on, I noticed some trouble on his face

"something wrong?" I said it in an amiable tone not to appear intrusive.

"nah, nothing, I'm fine, it's just that.... Never mind" he said

"it's just that what?" I asked with a smile.

"no nothing"

"if you snore, honestly I don't mind, I'm not that sensitive you know" I said with a blink as to make him at ease.

"no no no, it's just that I'm not looking forward to go home tomorrow" Simon said with a depressing tone.

"pray tell? would you mind?"

"oh, my home is a mess, full of psychos" Simon said with a sighed and he didn't even looked at me in the eye, he was staring as if I'm an empty space.

"really? you tell me! we're on the same boat dude! I really hate my folks, I would burned our house to the ground, my dad and his girlfriend were a piece of work" I said trying to empathized with him.

"oh really?"

"yeah, really! but I couldn't do much, that's life for me, it's not that bad though, I'll just wait couple of years and hit the road"

he looked at me with a faint smile and turned away covering himself and turned off his lights, I just said good night and slumped.

IV

Vegas inside your own tiny room was like living in an outer space, outside you knew that the city was alive twenty-four hours yet the isolated room served as a bubble of isolation within isolation... slowly reminded me of my misery. I was thinking what was Boris doing that night, like I'd imagined him tucked in their house with that girl smoking together and exchanging fluids, or maybe they are in the middle of dessert camping and humping each other. I'd always thought of Boris in my times of isolation, was strange but even me I couldn't accept it, like it was a fucking sickness that pierced me out of nowhere. I'd guess my friendship or whatever was that for me, with Boris was over... and I'd just need to move on.  

I was with nice people at that time, I had friends in the glee club, our concert went well, the Vegas trip was awesome in every ways I could ever dream, but somehow it felt empty. There were moments in our lives that we somehow thought that we are in the right moment, but in the wrong place. Like we are always in the right river but in the wrong side of the bank.

V

Morning came, me and Simon was still tucked in our beds, I looked at him and he looked at me.

"good morning, I guess this is it, back to normal huh" I said with a faint smile.

He nodded and smiled a bit, yet he kept on staring at with his innocent green eyes, like a lonely pet bird seeking comfort. Then out of the blue he stood up and went directly to my bed, look me in the face as he kept moving towards me, slowly and steady. Then he just leaned over at one point and next thing I knew was his lips were on my lips. I never rejected it, I just went all along. I felt its softness like a gentle breeze of a dessert, a contented summer. And that was when I asked myself, for the short time of my life, where have I been? I finally knew a part of me in that innocent morning, from a simple kiss of all things.