Dirk Gently and The Waking Sea of Reality

Oh, This Is Just Stupid Now

       Dirk and Todd walked into the agency at exactly 8:24 am, precisely 24 minutes late.

First, there was the pesky "getting out of bed" thing, then the pesky "walking Bean" thing, then the pesky "getting ready" thing, then the pesky "driving" thing... really it would make mornings a lot more convenient if they didn't exist.

"Good morning, Farah," Dirk waved with a cheery smile.

"Morning guys," Farah perked up from her desk. "I was looking more into this gala at the museum."

Todd and Dirk walked over to her desk and leaned over her chair to get a better look at the screen in front of them.

"It's tonight, invite-only. Museum closes at noon to get ready."

"Anything on the crystal?" Todd asked.

"Nothing that I can see online. But there has to be something there right? I was hoping to maybe head over before they close, hopefully, it's there."

And then the little bell over the door rang.

"I want to help," It was Robyn.

"Are you sure?" Todd asked, "Things can get-"

"Dangerous," Dirk said.

"Frightening," Farah added.

"Confusing," said Dirk.

"There's a lot of running," Farah pointed out.

"A lot of running," Dirk rolled his eyes.

"I was going to say weird, but yes. All of those things."

"Not to mention we're about to do something really illegal," Dirk said.

"Illegal?"

"Fancy getting put on a wanted list? If they catch us of course."

"We're going to heist a museum," Todd explained, "Are you up to it?"

"I guess so."

"You have to be absolutely sure. Are you sure?" Farah asked.

"Yes," they said. "I'm sure. I was just thinking to myself, 'they saw her twice and I wasn't there'. What if they see her again and I'm not there? What if I can convince her? So... here I am. Ready to help."

"Assist," Dirk corrected.

"Yes," Robyn said slowly, "That's what help means."

"He calls us his assis-friends," Todd explained and Robyn nodded in understanding.

"Assis- boyfriend Todd. Just Farah is the assis-friend."

Dirk liked to remind everyone as often as he could that he and Todd were a thing. It was like a little reality check for him. Reminding himself, "Hey, you did it! You found something good in life." Not that Farah, or Mona, or the agency and now Bean weren't good... he didn't mean that. He means to say that Todd is the best thing that ever happened to him. And every little moment he gets to make that clear to himself and everyone else was a welcome one.

And while Todd found it slightly annoying, like everything about Dirk, he also found it unbearably cute, also like everything about Dirk.

"Right, assis- boyfriend ," Todd pointed at himself then to Farah. "Assis-friend. And now I guess also assis-friend," he pointed at Robyn.