It's Just Us Now | Kylo Ren x Reader - Modern AU |

1 - The one to mess with

Finally sitting in your new place. A very small apartment and a bit dark. Nothing like yours at home with a double glass door that let in the morning sun fully and from where you could see your plants on the balcony and listen to the wind through the trees on the sidewalk. A deep sigh left your chest. Your eyes roaming between the suitcase on the floor and your backpack. Your few things in front of you. Mix of sensations. Sadness for having left so much at home, fear for everything to come, uncertainty and pressure ... but a lot of happiness too. At that moment, sitting on the floor of your new house, in a city and a country where you never thought you could be in, you were happy. So much effort finally paying off.

Two weeks had passed since you arrived. You spent most of that time trying to make that place yours. Warm in fair measure, stripped down without being so minimalist. You couldn't make it look like your Pinterest boards. Your resources were limited... and for resources you mean cash.

Back home, your job as a newly graduated chemical engineer paid well, but not enough for a third world country economy. Maybe if you had pursued a career on oil like most of your classmates you would have made some money. So, with a job at a state research institute, two positions as a teaching assistant at your university and private classes for college students you were able to save something for your new life.

You could have lived in the accommodation of your new university, but you felt uncomfortable around people.

And that's on anxiety.

Your new job would continue to be mainly research jobs, now for your doctoral thesis, and laboratory jobs for private companies. In your case, as your degree has an environmental orientation, you will dedicate yourself to water treatment for industries, as you did before.

A new job, new country, new people, new house; the whole thing terrifies you.

****

Tomorrow will be your first day. You assumed there was going to be a meeting with the university team where they would introduce you, maybe give you a tour of the lab... Nobody told you anything. Thank you very much.

You spoke very little with one of the thesis supervisors. Finn, PhD in Materials Science and Engineering, will be your immediate director and the person who will oversee and assist the course of your doctoral research. You assume that for particular laboratory work you have to be under the command of someone else. Maybe? Actually, you didn't know how things work at this university.

You couldn't sleep a bit. In your mind different scenarios of how your first day can go wrong. So typical. Before your phone alarm went off, you got up to get ready.

Standing in front of the mirror you considered yourself. You wish you could say that you liked the image that the mirror gave you back, but no.

Tired face and imperfect skin. This shit didn't have to be okay when you passed adolescence? Your nose is fine but not perfect either. You think your mouth is far from desirable. Hooded eyes. You didn't like your chin.

Technically you weren't ugly, right? but in your head a voice like Gordon Ramsay's was telling you all the time that you were an ugly idiot sandwich.

Your body was what you liked the least. You felt like you had good parts, but it didn't help the overall picture. Your height doesn't help either. Maybe your teeth were fine? Maybe.

You no longer knew if everything on you is ugly or is just body dysmorphia.

You can literally say anything good about everyone else, even if you see a person with features like yours, you'll think they're fucking beautiful. But you aren't able to say anything good about yourself.