F I X T H E B R O K E N | gang!cal AU

c o p i n g

Y/N's lips felt like heaven. Her lips were caressing his ones they way nobody else has. His large hands roamed up and down her body, making sure every inch of her has been touched. Her hands laid on his neck, eliciting a groan from his throat. God, she's perfect. 

Calum turned his attention to her neck; his lips sucked on the back of her ear. Butterflies erupted from her stomach. He gently bit on her neck as she threw her head back in pleasure. He lifted his fingers to her bra straps, pulling them down her shoulders. His gaze fell on her eyes. She was apprehensive. 

"Cal, you know," she sighed. 

Calum tried his best to hide his frustration. He was shocked that she actually wanted to save herself for marriage. That was uncommon in this day and age. "I want the first time to be special," he remembers her saying. 

"I know," he mumbled, returning her bra straps to their original position. It'll all be worth it when I make her my wife, he consoled himself. She smiled softly, laying a soft kiss on his cheek. 

Calum felt his breathing go uneven. He's been thinking about her the whole time since he's left her. His eyes were shaking as he pushed down the tears. The skin on the sides of his eyes were peeling, thanks to the lack of sleep and not to forget the uncontrollable crying. He sat in silence, looking completely lost in life. He needed Y/N. Why did he even leave? 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an old polaroid of him and Y/N. They took it when they were in Vegas. He snatched it from his bedside table, going over every detail of the picture. She was clutching tightly to his arm with a wide smile gracing her immaculate face. The arc of her eyebrow shaped her face naturally. Her eyes shone brightly even at night. She's beautiful.

"Why did you leave me?!" he roared, hurling the picture towards the wall in front of him. He threw his hands in the air, livid at how things turned out. This is not supposed to happen. He's meant to be with Y/N. 

For a moment there, he loathed Y/N. Why is he hurting this bad when she's probably having her honeymoon with Dylan? Why does she get to walk away scot-free? Why is he the only one left with this void in his heart? 

But then again, he could never hate Y/N. It's Y/N, for fuck's sake! He loves her. He could never hate her, even if he tried! It's not her who he was mad at! He was mad at himself: for not being there when she needed him, for not having what she needs, for not being good enough for her. 

He pushed himself up off of the wall. He wobbled to the front door, kicking an empty vodka bottle out of his way. He rummaged the kitchen cabinets for any more vodka. He was starting to panic when he saw the empty cupboards. At last, there was one more untouched bottle. He grabbed it without another thought and unscrewed the top immediately. 

He flicked the cap off and gulped one mouth full of its contents. The burn as the liquid runs down the throat, doesn't bother him anymore. Nothing compares to the pain Y/N has caused him. He rested his head in his free hand, pushing his knuckles into his temple. What the hell am I doing? 

His lips separated like he wanted to say something, but he was at a lost of words.

Just say it, you dipshit! Tell her you love her!

"I-"

"Calum!" Y/N squealed as she felt the damp sheets. She pushed him off the bed, straightening the bedsheets she had just nicely tucked in. Calum was left with his jaw still slackened. Maybe not today, he thought. 

"What a coward," he muttered under his breath as he took another swig of vodka. If he had known that Y/N would end up with another person, he'd say those words to her over and over again and not get tired of it. He would remind her every single day that he is in love with every single thing about her. She was his person. Well, it was too late now.