Manager-nim! (BTS FanFics)

CHPTR 12 - THE REALIZATION

I bite my finger, unconsciously. My eyes wavering outside the car looking for J-Hope's figure. 'Why? Why would I left my computer unlocked or shut down before leaving my seat? This will bring madness into the BigHit office tomorrow' I tell myself quietly. Not even a few months I've worked with BigHit but somehow I felt like this is my lowest moment in life. How will I handle a big company like my grandfather's? This makes me regret my decision in agreeing to my grandfather's proposal.

"I've failed," I said, breaking the silence in the car. Suga who is driving turned his head around and said "No, you're not. This is the life we all have chosen. Whether we like it or not, there will be a lot of negative comments about us. It's just our choice on how to engage with it." 

"Luckily our company really does take care of their artist carefully. All of the negative comments will be sued if they breached the artist's privacy. So you don't need to worry, let the legal team of the company handles the rest of it," Jin replied. 

"What's more important now is we find J-Hope as soon as possible. After all of that, he should not be alone. He must've someone to talk to," added Suga. He let out a worried expression. Jimin and V were quiet as we all worried about J-hope's safety. Then, Jimin's handphone began to ring. He answered the call, nodded a few times before saying goodbye, and end the call.

"Namjoon-hyung told me that J-hope-hyung's sister called. She said that J-hope is near Han Gang River. She told us to go there as she was in Jeju for her work. She also said that she knows he's sad and told us to take good care of him," explained Jimin after the call. 

I admit after heard what Jimin said just now really lift up a few burdens off my shoulder. I'm grateful that J-Hope is okay. But I can't stop blaming myself for letting him read all of the nasty comments. Then, V put his hand on my shoulder as if to tell me that everything is fine now and stop overthink too much. I'm relieved by such a gesture. V might look a little childish but he knows how to comfort a person in stress. 

***

J-Hope was laying on the green grass. His eyes set on a couple of stars that were sparkling. He thought about his past self. He came from his town to Seoul to achieve his dream. His passion for dancing never dimmed even just by little and always delivered with such enthusiasm. But somehow working too hard makes him set an unrealistic standard for himself, making him keep on pushing forward even though he was tired. Certainly, negative comments did not help him even though he was trying to be optimistic about it.  After the call with his sister, he slowly calms down. She always is his best friend and without him telling, his sister already knows that he's not in his usual self tonight.

He then closed his eyes and start humming the Answer: Love Myself song. The lyrics go:

"어쩌면 누군가를 사랑하는 것보다

더 어려운 게 나 자신을 사랑하는 거야

솔직히 인정할 건 인정하자

니가 내린 잣대들은 너에게 더 엄격하단 걸

니 삶 속의 굵은 나이테

그 또한 너의 일부, 너이기에

이제는 나 자신을 용서하자 버리기엔

우리 인생은 길어 미로 속에선 날 믿어

겨울이 지나면 다시 봄은 오는 거야" 

(Translation: 

Loving myself might be harder 

than loving someone else