I'm Tired || Daisuga

- Fathers

WARNING: Contains thoughts of suicide and other triggering things, if you are easily triggered, please click away. (This notion will be above every chapter)

             Rushing inside with the boy in my hands, I was surrounded by medical assistance and everything passed in a flash. Soon I sat in a blank, empty waiting room, with a blank, empty mind. Head in hands I heard the familiar clacks of our managers shoes and looked up to see a pair of red rimed eyes, glossed over.

"I... I called the team, coach Ukai and everyone are on their way.... I didn't explain much, just that we were at the hospital..." she sniffled and I stood to hug her as we both let out our tears. "Why would Suga.." she trailed off, unwilling to say the words.

"I think he lost sight of how important he is, and I think his dad played a big part in it." I said point blank, unsure of how to feel.

"But he's always so happy.." we sat down again.

"No he's not.. he just.. pretends to be, so that nobody worries about him. He's that selfless..." I said with a small bittersweet smile, turning to my friend I began to laugh hysterically "he told me he loved me before he did it.." I admitted, making Kiyoko's eyes go wide, "and he didn't even let me say it back! He just assumed I wouldn't like him! Stupid, so so so so stupid." My giggles turned into uncontrollable crying and I pressed into my eyes with the palms of my hands, screaming, "Damn it, Suga!" I sobbed louder.

Both without words, we sat and waited for something, anything; the team, the doctor, some news about the grey haired boy who held my heart. Kiyoko eventually cried herself to sleep. While I thought about what I'd do if he didn't survive this, what to do in a world without Koushi.

I couldn't imagine one.

Not a single mental picture came to mind when I thought about my future, and if one did, it was us, together and happy. I might not get that chance.. I thought, sadly.

Suddenly the doors to the waiting room swung open, I perked up hoping it was the doctor with some good news. Instead the whole team, led by Ukai and Takeda, walked over to us, each wearing various looks of worry.

"Sawamura, what happened, son?" The coach set his hand on my shoulder.

Exhausted, I wasn't able to sugarcoat my words as I looked at him, completely broken. His eyebrows furrowed at my horrible look.

"Suga tried to kill himself." I whispered, hoarsely, not even registering Takeda's gasp, thankfully not everyone heard, just the two adults. I knew I wasn't in the right state to tell the team.

Ukai however, now looked like he was hit by a car. He crouched down, squatting on the ground with wide eyes and mouth agape, unable to comprehend what I'd just said. Takeda was already in tears, frantically sitting everyone down to tell them. Soon enough, Hinata balled his eyes out into Kageyama's arms, the raven haired boy himself silently wiping his eyes every so often. Asahi, Nishinoya and Ennoshita all tried to comfort each other relentlessly, while Tanaka sat next to a now-awake Kiyoko, they held hands trying to distract themselves from the current situation. The coach and teacher were standing off near the door, teary eyed and on the phone with the school, trying to get a hold of a parental figure, and finally Tsukishima and Yamaguchi who silently huddled together with their sobs.

All the while, I sat next to the door on the ground, with my legs pulled to my chest. I told everyone that Suga was in intensive care, he would be there for a while. It'd already been an hour and a half and most people ran out of tears to shed, they all sat quietly, awaiting news.

A wave of emotions hit me all of a sudden, it pulled me to my feet and brought me to stand in front of everyone, in attempts to address something important.

"Alright..." I began unsteadily, feeling as if something was missing and knowing that thing was him. People always praised me for being so level headed all the time, but I always say it's thanks to my best friend, he was what kept my feet on the ground. I needed him, and so did every person in this room. "I-I just want to say something... it won't... t-take too long." I nodded to reassure myself but that didn't work, "When we see Sugawara, I think we all owe him an apology." I chose my words to be optimistic, "I think one of the reasons he... d-did this... he was too scared to talk to anyone about his problems, because he didn't want to worry anyone, and he consistently thought of everyone else, never of himself." Everyone nodded their agreement and I continued, "We need to show Suga how important he is for this team. Also try to help him realise that he doesn't need to be perfect all the time, we should remember that this team is a family, we need everybody. If any of you are feeling anything of this, please don't hesitate to talk to someone about it, we as teammates and friends care about you." My eyes watered for the umpteenth time that day. I stared at the floor. "That's all everyone." I bowed, hiding my irritated eyes and turned back to the entrance when it opened again.

"Where is he?" A booming voice shot through the room.

It was Suga's dad, and he looked so unbothered by the situation I felt my fist clench. Itching to punch him in the face. Ukai stepped forward, not noticing mine and Kiyoko's glares, he bowed in apology, saying he was sorry for not seeing any signs of this.

"Don't worry about it." He replied harshly, not really looking at the coach in front of him. "Where is Koushi, we're leaving." He demanded, sounding annoyed.

"But sir, he's in intensive care! Probably still trying to lower his heart rate and stop him from seizing." Takeda cut in, more confident than I'd ever seen the small teacher.

"I'm not paying for a hospital bill when all he's doing is looking for attention. Maybe you can't see through his bullshit, but I'm not stupid, he's faking it all!" The tall grey haired man laughed arrogantly, turning to the desk lady to ask for a room number.

She of course told him he was still in the operating room, after which he grumbled and came back towards us.

"Should've just left him to die." I heard the father mumble to himself.

This made me lose it.

"Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?" I yelled at him, "YOU FUCKING BASTARD! SUGA DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOR A FATHER, ALL YOU DO IS TREAT HIM LIKE SHIT! AND—!" I was crying again, and someone, probably Asahi, was holding me back as I began to walk towards Mr Sugawara, intending to commit many crimes.

"That's enough captain." Ukai said with a stern look.

"You arrogant son of a bitch! How dare you insult my parenting. Obviously you don't know Koushi as well as you think you do, because all of you probably think he's this sweet little angel right?" Mr Sugawara stood on his feet, approaching me menacingly, "you all probably look up to him as some sort of role model or parental figure; well new flash for you all, he's a burden. He's over dramatic and too much to handle, he can't fix his grades, he's all sensitive like a fucking girl,—oh, and he's a fucking f*ggot!— I don't think he could've been more of a fuck up!" He sneered into my face, then backed away, pinching the bridge of his nose, "god where did I go wrong with him." He mumbled again.

Everyone stood shocked by his fathers words, now understanding why I was so angry to begin with. Even Asahi looked about ready to punch the guy. Ukai stepped forward, between me and Suga's father.

"Mr Sugawara, I think you should leave." He crossed his arms and asked calmly.

Just as he was about to reply the doors swung open and a doctor strolled into the waiting room, clipboard in hand.

"For Sugawara Koushi?" He said, and we all turned our heads, "I have some news.."