Tom Holland Imagines

I Can't Anymore (Part 1)

Work was hard. Constant gruelling work day in day out. The only thing that made it better was going home to see my boyfriend.

Well that was if he was ever there. I understood that Tom's job takes him all over the world, never in one place for too long. I tried to be as supportive as I could. However it was hard. The bed always felt lonely. The house always empty. I missed him randomly singing and dancing round the house. When I'd be making dinner and he would come behind me and wrap his arms around me. That's the thing I missed most. Just being in his arms. They felt so warm, protective and safe.

It wasn't as hard for Tom. He was working. Each day exciting. Filming, exploring new countries. I was stuck at home. I still went out with my friends, saw my family, occasionally going to his family's house for Sunday lunch. They understood what I went through. Afterall it was also their son always out of the country.
Today was my favourite day. The day Tom was coming home.

Tom: I can't wait to see you baby only 8 hours. I love you I'll see you when I land.

Y/N: I love you too Tommy I can't wait to see you.

He had just finished filming and was coming home from Atlanta. I was going to pick him up from the airport. However I knew that even though he came back he would always leave again. With every hello is always closely followed by a goodbye.

I left for Heathrow Airport to go and pick him up. I waited at the gate for him anticipating his arrival. I saw people filing out and I was looking around to find Tom. Until I saw him. My boyfriend was back home. In that instant I saw him I ran up to him. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist burying my face into his neck. He smelt like home. I finally felt safe again. I leant my head back and kissed him. Our lips fit together perfectly like they always do. We walked out of the airport. His hand linked with mine. With his thumb rubbing circles into my hand. I couldn't stop staring at him. To see his face in real life and not over facetime. He told me all about the movie he was filming and all the stunts he had to do. I loved how passionate and excited he got. Made my life seem boring compared to his.

'Darling I know we have just seen eachother again, but do you mind if I take a nap I'm jet lagged.' I kissed him and shook my head. I tidied away a few things in our shared house as I wanted to clean up a bit before he woke up.

This had been the routine for 3 years now. He got home. Got tired went to bed and I cleaned. Part of me hated it. How it was just common for him to come and go because of his job. It wasn't selfish of me to want to see him for more than 2 months at a time. He was my boyfriend. I got lonely. I needed comfort. So I decided to go upstairs and take a nap with him. By the time I got upstairs he was already asleep. Chest rising up and down. I climbed into the bed carefully next to him and just stared at him.
'Looks like I have a stalker on my hands. Staring at me in my sleep,' he lightly chuckled.

I brought my hands to his face and said 'I just missed you.' He put one arm over me and pulled me closer to his chest. Instantly relaxing me.

'Hmmm I missed this,' I hummed.
'Me to,' Tom mumbled into my hair. Just as we were both dozing off his phone started to ring. He answered it and started talking seriously to someone. I sat up going tense knowing what was going to happen. He had to leave again.

'Well why didn't someone tell me sooner. No no of course it's not issue. Really that soon?'

Tom muttered. Putting his phone down he stared at me with his puppy eyes. 'Darling, I have to leave in a week for a new project. I know I only got back, but I have to leave again. I'm sorry,' My head dropped.

'Erm, yeah sure that's fine I guess.'
'You guess?'
'Yeah it fine. I'm just going to make a cup of tea.' As I got up I heard him speak again.                      'Darling something's wrong. Please tell me.'                                                                                                      'Are you being serious can you not tell.' He looked at me puzzled and shook his head. I felt like I was going to cry. I had to tell him how I felt. Even if it hurt me. I sat down on the bed again. 

'What wrong Tom? What's wong? You're never here. Your always out of the country for your job. I understand why. I get it and you know I'm always supportive. But I need you. I need you. I'm always lonely. I need someone here to comfort me when I'm sad. Laugh with me when I'm happy. Or someone just to randomly hug.'
I could see the guilt in his eyes.
'Darling, I'm so sorry. I know you need someone. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to not go?' I knew he sincerely meant this, but I couldn't let him give up on his dream.
'No Tom. You have to go. Your living your dream and I wouldn't want you to give it up. Just for me.' Staring at him I knew what I had to say. I knew it was going to hurt both of us. However in the long run it was for the best. I gulped and stared at the bed.
'Tom I can't this anymore. Never knowing when your leaving or coming. It's breaking me.' Tears started to fall down my cheeks. He shifted closer to me and lifted my chin. Tears forming in his eyes.
'Y/n what do you mean you can't do this anymore?'
'I can't be with you any more Tom.' I saw his heart break right in front of me.
'Bullshit Y/N. I love you and you love me so why not?'
'It's because I love you Tom. That's why I'm doing this. I feel like I'm holding you back. That's the last thing I want to do.' With tears streaming down my face I leaned closer to him and kissed him lightly on the lips.
'I love you. But it's just the wrong time for us,' I got up and left. It broke me to hurt him. Broke me to leave him. See him crying. However it was the best for both of us.