will they won't they

5, solo show

— I don't want some overrated
lukewarm love—

December 16, 1995

I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR FINALLY RECOGNIZING MYSELF.

Well sort of. This was the first time that I was actually going out in what feels like forever but is really just two weeks. I don't even know if I'm mentally ready to see everyone again but I have to do it for Bobby. He has his solo show tonight which is his first show since the Orpheum and his first without the boys. I know he is super nervous and needs my support. As much as I would love to just lay in bed all day, I needed a normal day... or at least a distraction.

I got ready for Bobby's show around 5 pm. I decided to take time in my appearance since this is my first time going out in a while. I wore a black dress, black fishnets, one of Reggie's flannels, and my black doc martens. After I changed, I went into my bathroom. I brushed my hair and applied some mascara and concealer under my eyes to hide the huge bags that laid there due to my lack of sleeping. I looked at myself in the mirror feeling confident in my outfit. This was the first time I would be seeing people from my school in weeks and I was super nervous about it.

 I looked over at the clock which read 5:40. The show started at 6:30 and it was a 20 minute drive there plus I wanted to get a good view of the stage so I decided to leave early. I grabbed my keys and headed downstairs. Before I could make it out the front door I was interrupted by my father who was sitting in the living room drinking a beer. "Where the hell do you think you're going dressed like that?" He questioned. "Cafe Largo, Bobby's performing a show tonight-" He cut me off. "Dressed like a whore?" He shouted. "I- What?" I couldn't even form a sentence. "Go upstairs and change right now!" He shouted standing up from his chair but losing balence and falling back into it. I didn't even respond to I just ran out the door slamming it behind me knowing he wouldn't be able to follow me out to stop me from leaving. I quickly got in my car putting the key into the ignition. Any bit of confidence that tonight would go smoothly was gone. I just wanted to get tonight over with.

I arrived at the cafe 25 minutes later already frustrated and not in the mood to see anyone but Bobby. But I knew that wouldn't be the case. As soon as I stepped inside I felt a bunch of heads turned my way. Everyone was probably surprised by my precense since I haven't left my house in weeks. I ignored them and made my way to thr front of the stage. 

"Well look who finlly stepped out of her coffin." A voice behind me said.

I turned around to see Kaitlyn and Ashley, the two girls who would always talk shit about me in my science class. "Hm, nice to see you too Kaitlyn." I obviously lied. They were the last two people I wanted to see right now. "It's so sad that those other boys died. I was so devastated when I heard the news. Guess you were right, Luke and I weren't meant to be. But oh well, gives that opportunity to other guys." Ashley said smirking. I rolled my eyes at her ignorant comment. "So sad about your boyfriend huh? You two were dating right?" Kaitlyn asked. I looked down shaking my head. "Um...No Reggie wasn't my boyfriend." I replied. "Aw how sad." Kaitlyn said poking out her bottom lip. Fortuantly the lights turned down signaling that the show was about to begin.

Thank god.

"See you later Dog." Kaitlyn spoke as the two of them walked away from me. I turned back to the stage deciding to focus on the performance and ignore everyone else around me. When Bobby stepped out on stage, the crowd including me went nuts. Everyone was cheering at the top of their lungs. He flashed a bright smile as he strapped on his guitar. He had two other guys behind him who I didn't recognize. One sat behind the drums and the other had a bass in his hands... Reggie's bass.