I can't do it without you / a Buddie fanfic

I have missed you

bucks pov

everything bad at the moment im no longer a fire fighter and after the stupid law suite everyone hates me . Eddie won't even speak to me my best friend ,the love of my life even if he doesn't know that. I just wish I could go back in time im so stupid I think as I pull out my razor blade out of a medicine bottle as I slash my wrists to let all the pain out I fall to the bathroom floor crying and I stay there for at least a hour looking at myself in the mirror this isn't a one time thing this is almost built into my schedule its like a addiction im a mess I think as I look at myself in the mirror im quickly snapped out my thoughts as the door bell rings 

"shit" I mumble splashing my face with water and shoving a black oversized jumper on as I run towards the door.

"Maddie" I say with a fake smile 

she could obviously tell it was fake as before she said anything else to me she asked a million questions about how I was doing. I told her how hard it was is for me not to be a firefighter and loosing all my friends as soon as I finished that sentence 

"about that" she says walking towards the door

 I turn to her she opens the door and the 118 was stood there I look at them while i standing up 

"we was talking and we realised how hard of  time you must be having and we all miss you" bobby says I look for Eddie but can't really see him maybe he couldn't forgive me maybe I have lost him forever 

"I realised how much I missed you" Eddie says appearing from behind the group walking into the doorway I just walk closer and pull him in for a hug 

" I missed you" I say looking at him

"all" I add looking round at them. we sat talking for hours catching up after a few hours I had an urge to cut again even tho I was feeling happy. I tried to take my mind of it and push the feeling away but it was all I could think about so I went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom I grabbed the blade and made 6 clean slices before putting tissue on them and putting my jumper back on. I wipe a few tears that managed to fall away and left the bathroom I went back into the living room and carried on talking with the group.

we spent the rest of the night catching up and laughing at old times until one by one people was starting to leave. Everyone had left but Eddie. 

 "I've missed this" Eddie says smiling at me

 "yeah me too" I smile he pulled me in for a hug and maybe we held it a little to long when we pulled apart our eyes made contact we froze for a moment both of us before I pulled back a little 

"its getting late I should get home to criss" he says picking his coat up and making a fast exit towards the door 

"night" I say as the door slams I walk upstairs and lay on the bed I close my eyes hoping to drift to sleep but nothing . I just couldn't get to sleep I hated sleeping on my own I always felt a little scared. but the man I want is straight I think as I roll over and stair at the wall