I can't do it without you / a Buddie fanfic

braking point

bucks pov

I wake up and get in the shower and as routined add a few more cuts to my arms I jump out and get changed and walk down to the couch and see Eddie asleep he is so cute I sat on the side of the couch and gave him a gental nudge

"morning' I smiled 

"morning " he grinned as I sat on the couch next to him watching tv I can see him glancing over at me 

"are you ok" he says to me I just nodded 

"like mentally ok" again I just nod 

"buck I saw them" he says I look down how did he see them I was os carefull 

"saw what" I reply 

"your arm buck you know what I mean"he says moving closer to me I just nodded now tears forming I dont know how he knows 

"its nothing" I shrug he just grabs me and pulls me in for a hug 

eddies pov

I can just see that hes hurt he doesn't have to tell me why and im not going to push but even if he says hes fine I have to be here for him. we both get ready and head to work putting our gear on and sitting in the common room 

" if you need to talk im here when ever your ready " I say he just nods patting my shoulder .The shift was hard. We lost 2 people and I think buck took it kind of hard so I asked him if I could come over again to keep a eye on him. when we arrived at bucks I sat on the kitchen side and bucked disappeared upstairs to shower I sat and waited for a while after around 20  mins I wonder where he is and start to get a little worried I head upstairs I hear the shower running with the door open 

"buck" I shout and there was no reply so I ran into the bathroom not really knowing what I was going to see. There was blood everywhere and a half clothed shivering buck sat knees in chest crying and rocking in the shower with blood still pouring out his arms. I grab a towel and wrap it around his arms and turn off the shower before falling to the floor. I lean my back against the shower wall and pull him on my knee. He pulls back at first before collapsing into my chest sobbing which makes begin to cry aswell. I stood up after 10 mins and got buck up I pulled two jumpers and 2 pairs of tracky pants out of the wardrobe and I walked back into the bathroom to get changed. When I returned I saw buck was stood crying with the dry clothes in his hand I helped him get into his clothes before laying him in bed and climbing in next to him I look at buck who is still hysterically crying and decide to pull a still crying buck onto my chest stroking his hair ive never seen him like this, him being this vulnerable with me. After a hour of laying there in silence buck started to talk 

"im sorry about this" he whimpers 

"dont worry" I mumble 

" im worried about you though" I then say a little louder 

" me too" he agreed and cried a little more which made me grab him tighter than I was as I lay here holding him close I can't help but wonder if my feelings towards him is more than friendship and im snapped out of my thoughts when a broken buck looks up at me

" its addictive I can't stop I know its stupid" he says with tears in his eyes I just shake my head 

"I will help you through this buck I promise" I say I check the time and its only 5pm I order some food and continue to lay holding buck once food got here I brought buck downstairs and we sat on the couch eating he was pretty quite 

"you ok" I say giving a small smirk

" im embarrassed" he says looking down 

"hey no its me you dont have to be" I say lifting his head up looking into his big blue sad eyes 

"thank you" he says still looking into my eyes I lean in little before I can even think about what im doing my lips are on his I pull back and look at him did I just mess everything up is this our whole friendship down the drain but before I can speak he leans in pulling my head to meet his once we pull apart I look into his eyes again 

"I love you" he says looking down almost embarrassed 

"I love you Evan" I say grabbing his face with one hand and he begins to cry again I lay down on the couch and pull him on top if me letting us both fall asleep in the comfort of each other