I can't do it without you / a Buddie fanfic

movie night

bucks pov 

when I woke up I checked my phone it was 10am I got out of bed and got in the shower I grabbed the razor and added a few slits to my wrists. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it look at how ugly I look now I think as the hot water rolls down me. once I jumped out the shower I got a call to go to caps office so I got changed and headed down there . when I reached the 118 fire house I walked into caps office 

"welcome back buck" he said I smile 

"wait what" I grin 

"yeah I cleared everything back up your back to work" bobby said smiling I can't believe im officially back I thank him sign a few forms and head up to the kitchen I see Eddie sat on the couch as I walk upto him he smiles

 "welcome back man" he says standing up and hugging me 

"place wasn't the same without you" he then says which makes my heart skip a few beats 

 "it really wasn't" hen adds walking over with chim 

I sat in the firehouse until they got a call once they had gone I jumped in my truck and drove back home. I just sat there thinking about my first day in the morning. I took my jumper off and stared at my arms

" im a mess" I mutter. There are cuts all over me I can't let anyone see this and im so ashamed but I feel the urge to do more so I got in the shower and added a few more I dont know why I can't stop its confusing me. I check my phone and see a miss call from Eddie as I was about to ring him back i hear a knock at the door I grab a jumper and slide it over my head before opening the door

 "hey man" Eddie says 

"hey' I reply he walks in and takes a seat at the kitchen table 

"want a beer" I say with my head stuck in the fridge he nods before following me to the couch in the living room . we watched a movie as we did every Friday but im soo hot but I can't take this jumper off I fan myself in a way to cool myself down 

"are you too hot" Eddie says I nod 

"take your jumper off" he laughs I let out a fake laugh before pulling the jumper over my head and sliding my arm under the pillow so he couldn't see anything

eddies pov

as I watch the film I can feel my eyes starting to get heavy and I lay my head back before drifting to sleep.

when I awoke I didn't see buck so I jumped up I looked around the apartment when I can't find him downstairs I head upstairs I see him asleep in bed I walk up to the bed and perch on the edge i just silently watch him hes so cute and peaceful I think as he rolls over laying his arms either side of him and cuts stretching down them they look kind of new I feel panic set in and jump up walking back downstairs to the couch why would buck hurt himself I think as I pull a blanket over myself and drift to sleep thinking about how I can bring this up in the morning.